Friday, January 25, 2013

Ooooo, somebody is sassy!

"Okay Mnemia, there is a Munchkin tournement next week you should go win."  Zuko
"As I recall I'm horrible at Munchkin." Mnemia
"How can you be terrible at Munchkin?" Zuko
"I don't know, but every time I play with you people, I get my ass kicked."  Mnemia
"That's because Zuko is evil at Munchkin."  Ioni
"I am never evil at Munchkin!" Zuko
"You get targeted first, then you go 'oh hells no' then it goes to hell in a hand basket."  Ioni
"That's not being evil.  That's defending yourself when everyone decides to kick your ass in the first five minutes." Zuko

After Ioni calls up an old link to Hulk Hogans sex tape, and we start discussing Hogan on Steroids.
"That's why he did it.  He didn't fit before."  Mnemia
[silence]......."O..h.... dammit Mnemia..."  GM finally catching on

"I'm vaguely familiar it's out there, raining on my day."  GM

"So, where the hell were we?"  GM
"I believe there were some stupid interns." Zuko
"I love that Mnemia has that highly amused giggle at the interns."  GM
"Dumb sons of bitches."  Mnemia

"We were interacting with a Tremere."  Ioni
"And now we all got the hivvy"  Zuko
"SIGH!" GM
"And now we do the hivvy dance."  Ioni
"Do the hivvy... do the HIVy..."  Zuko

"BEHOLD I CAN MAKE PORN COME OUT EVERYWHERE!"  GM
"ewwwww..."  Ioni
"Whereas the reverse is currently true.  Porn makes stuff come out of GMs everywhere."  Zuko
"It makes the same sound effect probably too."  Mnemia
"Ahh yes we need to talk about the FAP Calendar at some point."  Ioni
"No Dolphins!  I don't remember what the rest of them were, but I'm pretty sure I don't want you piloting this." GM

"Ioni, if there is ever a day I want to ruin somebody by having you send them pictures, I'm more than happy to pay you fifty bucks to ruin them.  When it comes to things I want to look at, odds are you aren't going to send me what I want."  GM
"What do you have against Ioni?" Zuko
"What if we just sent you text...."  Ioni looking up some good sites, while Mnemia finds this followed  by Ioni locating this.
"No.  I think in pictures and it will translate... and.... seriously... what the fuck!?" GM then refuses to click on this.

"Stop playing with your slinky!" Ioni
"You can hear that!?" GM
"YES!  There is a really weird squelching noise to it."  Ioni
"Wow, it's a lot louder when I take the headphones off."  GM
".......Really...."  Zuko

"I don't play with the slinky when I'm not talking to you people."  GM
"...... GM....."  Zuko
"What?" GM
"Is slinky a name for something else?" Zuko
"YES!" Ioni
"No... no no no."  GM
"Is that why you're not allowed to go near kids schools anymore?  You invited children to go play with 'slinky'."  Zuko
"'Hey kids! I got a new slinky.  Let's go play with it around the back corner.'"  Ioni
"The fact that you applied new to that has me worried a little bit."  GM
"Well I don't know if you have an interchangeable dick."  Ioni

"What the hell was that!?"  GM
"Jesus."  Zuko
"Goblin Shark."  Mnemia

"The water is a touch warmer."  GM
"That's where somebody peed."  Zuko
"They have to have a really big bladder for that much warm water.  You are free to use taste to determine if it is that much warm water."  GM
"I'll do it."  Ioni
"Oh for fuck sake..."  GM
"Ioni is totally down for that." Zuko
"I've tasted stranger things."  Ioni
"Golden Shower Technique?"  Mnemia
"Really seals in the flavor!"  Zuko

"Must protect monkey butler.  Only one who knows how I like my martinis."  Zuko
"Must stay close to Mnemia so I don't go splat."  Ioni
"Those are both good reasons."  GM on the party splitting.

"Well I don't like that door.... I'm going to make that not a door anymore."  Zuko

"First attack... 14 agg...."  Kadon
"Yeah, gonna want to miss that."  GM

"Wow.. I miss him."  Mnemia
"I'm gonna have to throw this guy a party!  That's the first time in a year!" GM
"Mnemia feels dirty."  Mnemia
"The AKUMA who lived!"  GM
"Mnemia......  A head peeks out of the flayed, charred corpse of this infernal and goes 'really?'"  Zuko
"Mnemia looks at her weapon, looks at the dragon blooded, looks at her weapon.... I think it's broken!"  Mnemia

"I'll also assume that Mnemia who is too cool to look back at explosions, does a slight duck to the side to avoid the Kadon flying through the corridor.  Instead of letting a Kadon slam into her back and breaking every bone in his face."  GM
"I know it's tempting Mnemia, but if you could duck a little...  Though I can see him slamming into Mnemia and her just going: 'Did somebody throw a feather at me?  Oh no.'"  Zuko

"But don't worry, I'm pretty sure the Mnemia blender is on stage five."  Zuko

"Did that one guy stand up after I told him what I'd do?"  Zuko
"I think he's more concerned with acid tentacles.  No offense, but if 'tentacle' is in the title, I don't care what else is on the other scale, I'm probably going to defend against the fuckin' tentacle."  GM
"Well he made his choice."  Zuko
"It's okay, we're just trolling once more, except now we're just going to act on it."  Ioni

"Finally the interns are slightly smart!"  Ioni
"Lets not get ahead of ourselves."  Zuko
"The prospect of getting raped by water tentacles has calmed them down."  Mnemia
"I would unite with my enemies if it meant avoiding tentacle rape."  GM
"Even if you might enjoy it?"  Ioni
"....... my statement stands."  GM
"Or sits... or kneels... or bends over."  Ioni

"Alternately, we could just have Zuko punch the stupid off her."  Kadon
"I say we kill her, its the only way to be sure."  Ioni
"It's 10 motes and 2 willpower."  Zuko
"It's an intern!" Ioni
"They knew what they were signing up for."  GM
"They knew what they were signing up for.  They totally fucked this shit up.  This is the last straw, we kill them."  Ioni

"I'm borrowing Scarlets Marker."  GM
"Kadon?  It looks like Low Breading is about to say something... when a pair of arms come up from around her and attempts to grapple and does a shitty shitty job of it and is knocked aside."  GM
"Shitty shitty bang bang."  Zuko

"Woah woah woah, you used Caleb to represent my wife."  Zuko
"No no no... he used your wife to represent Caleb."  Ioni
"Yes, even worse as a matter of fact."  Zuko

"Whats the first rule of MMO boss fights.... Run towards the tank."  Mnemia
"Fine.  Ioni is going to run towards Mnemia, then land on top of her shoulder, climb to the top of her head and just hide behind her."  Ioni

"It was a good day."  GM
"Damn that rap music."  Zuko
"Damn that porno."  Ioni

"Mnemia, can't help but notice a few things here.  1.  I give Kadon a division of the squirrel girls, he doesn't notice they are demi-urges capable of crafting awesome things.  2.  We give Kadon interns.  He doesn't notice at least one of them is an Akuma and at least two of them are fucking around, and one of them is possibly fucking his girlfriend.  I don't know if this guy is that good of a teacher."  Zuko
"Dude, fuck you."  Kadon

"What do we need to do to fix Monkey Butler can he fix me a drink."  Zuko

Sunday, January 13, 2013

You will learn Intern.... maybe.

"What response would you like me to give?" GM
"No!"  Ioni
"By the way, Ioni would just like to know if she were to put on a push up bra and low cut shirts and then take photos of herself and send them to you guys, if it would help the game run smoother." Zuko
"No! that was not the phrasing!"  Ioni
"I'm pretty sure the answer you're gonna get is 'yes' but in actuality it will be no."  GM
"I don't know how pictures of Ioni is supposed to make the game run better." Mnemia
"I don't think it was that. I think it was to distract Kadon from pontificating."  Zuko
"Yep!"  Ioni
"I'm willing to participate in this experiment." Kadon

"Mnemia, I have a really important question for you." Zuko
"Yeah?" Mnemia
"Do all Mormons sing and dance?"  Zuko
"Uhm..."  Mnemia
"Didn't you just see the Book of Mormon?  Wouldn't you be able to answer that question better?" GM
"I don't know how factually accurate that was."  Zuko
"They like to..?  Don't know if I would say if it's a particularly Mormon trait, but..."  Mnemia

"...then we talked about Kadon's awesome intern group.  Remind me of the comment again?  I think it was awesome." GM
"Kadon's angels?" Zuko
"Given that two of them are dudes, that may not go over as well." GM
"Wyld shaping, there isn't anything it can't fix."  Kadon
"Not entirely sure how that would go over with them." GM
"They don't have a choice.  They're interns!" Ioni
"I'm pretty sure... uh well....  They're allowed to quit...."  GM

"Oh my god, Llagar has low breading!" Zuko
"What?" GM/Kadon
"Llagar has low breading."  Zuko
"Yeah, it didn't make any more sense the second time you said it." Kadon
"I'm looking at your intern notes!  Llagar has low breading.  I'm assuming that means low breeding."  Zuko

"How the hell do you get essence 4 as an enlightened mortal.."  Zuko
"Well I'm pretty sure lots of solars have asked that."  GM
"Why don't we kill her and distill her blood."  Zuko
"No.." Kadon
"Why can't we kill Nessa?" Ioni
"No..." Kadon
"Apparently there is a lot of jizz going into this person and that's causing the Essence 4?"  Ioni
"WHAT THE HELL.." GM
"Mnemia is just now 'man it was so much more peaceful when those two jackasses weren't back yet.'" Zuko
"There was an imminent possibility of actual process being made."  Kadon

"I forgot to press BUTTONS!  buttons.." Kadon

"We need more panko in this place." Zuko

"Since I have investigation charms the can tell me the genetic make up of everybody, I can totally be the Maury Pauvich show and tell people who's the daddy!"  Zuko
"So wait, Nessa is Kadons grand daughter?" Ioni
"That would be terrifying." Kadon
"Y'know, before we weren't getting anywhere, now we're really not getting anywhere." GM

"There was something else that slipped away from my brain..." GM
"Panty raids." Ioni

"She really puts more effort into the boy than anyone else."  GM
"It's really about the effort he puts into her if you know what I mean."  Kadon

"He is most definitely plowing his girlfriend.  He makes sure to clean up after so your factory cathedral works just fine."  GM
"That's on your holographic design table."  Mnemia
"They made Jarvis into a perv."  Zuko
"I'd mock them, but they learned it from somewhere." Kadon

"You should probably name the boat so we can keep them..." GM
"The S.S. Monkey Spank."  Zuko
"You already named one that."  GM
"No we didn't."  Ioni
"Wasn't that the next one after the Galactic Prophilactic?" GM

"Why do I have the feeling we're all involved in a Mario World at this point." Ioni

"Use invisible tittie powers."  Zuko
"Yep."  Ioni
"They don't seem to be able to see you." GM
"That's why I said invisible tittie powers."  Zuko

"Zuko will be like... Both of you stop it right now and step away from each other or I will knock you and probably maybe kill you.  You have one second to comply."  Zuko
"Wandering Lion does it right away.  So the Sidereal though, is more surprised and gives out a simple 'How the hell did you get here....'"  GM
"Punched in the face."  Zuko

"Yeah, just... shhh shhh...stop talking."  Zuko
"Do these people not... has the intern never met Zuko before?" Mnemia

"I'm having him sit down."  Ioni
"Didn't just say don't move!?"  Zuko
"Zuko, shuttup!" Ioni
"My ship is broken, I'm not in the mood for fuckery, but I'm still going to be a troll to the rest of you fuckers..."  GM

"Ioni's attack form."  Zuko
"What the fuck!?" Kadon
"What the why..... I'm officially going to go with what.." GM
"Click it!" Ioni
"Is there a  pair of xenomorphs trying to burst out of her chest there?"  GM
"They wouldn't be that smooth."  Ioni

"She must be really getting pounded in the behind."  Ioni
Kadon breaks down.
"Okay! I need a drink of water now...."  GM
"Really good camera work there." Kadon
"Dammit Ioni."  GM
"Well she's balancing on a pole or something and then someone else is behind her.  Suuure, that way she can cross her arms and her boobs can bust out like that." Ioni
"Those aren't her arms.. Some one else is just giving it to her."  Zuko
"I'm fairly certain the human..."  GM
"Shut up!  She likes it obviously!  Just look at her face!" Zuko

"I'm pretty sure the human body is not a stress toy where you squeeze one end and the eyeballs pop out."  GM

"We want answers, but if anyone opens their mouths, they're dead."  Mnemia
"Can't tell if Mnemia just trolled too... or not.."  GM

"Uh... h....w....hh...."  Kadon after looking at link.
"Your second link broke Kadon."  Zuko
"What the fuck!?" Kadon
"I wish I didn't know about that." GM
"I haven't seen it, and I'm not.. entirely sure what I'm looking at..."  Kadon
"Have you at least heard of the Human Centipede?"  Mnemia
"Now you have just aggro'd the Ioni!"  GM

Zuko's attacks.
"Is this from the Ballad of Riki-Oh?"  Zuko

"These are all horrible things... the last one's not."  GM
"Bout to say, if you thought the last one was a horrible thing."  Mnemia
"The last one I think, is supposed to be in color...?"  GM
"I'm sorry, GM, was that you recognizing the scene?" Kadon
"It has to be from early 90s to late 80s judging by art style." Zuko
"The smudges on the screen are the most disturbing part of that image from my opinion."  Kadon

"Zuko's completely out of fucks to give about people not doing what he wants." Zuko
"What was your question?"  GM
"Who were you fucking.." Zuko
"And was it good?"  Ioni
"[..]He doesn't really want to say if it was good, because he doesn't ask you about your sex life.  Shakes his head in an affirmative."  GM
"Sweety, I'd tell you about my sex life, but then you're realize how horrible yours really is."  Ioni

"Just make sure her clitoris doesn't rise up to destroy us all."  Zuko
"I put a frog on it, just in case."  Ioni

"You're going to find out who Nessa has been sexting."  Ioni
"Thank you Ioni."  Kadon
"It's Gavin." Zuko

"The note says not to trade the box or Ioni to the Infernal for what she is asking for."  GM
"When was I on the list to be traded?" Ioni

"Didn't realize I was on the menu."  Ioni
"Ioni you're always on the menu."  Kadon like a creepy stalker
"I wasn't going to say it."  GM
"I'm glad you think so highly of me, but still, what the fuck?" Ioni

"Em-nut......" GM
"Emnut Shaymalan?"  Ioni
"sigh..." Kadon
"With a twist!" Ioni

"Interns suck!" Zuko
"Yep!" Ioni
"Which you get for free!" GM
"What level of damage is retarded?" Mnemia
"What don't we get for free?  Kadon just go into the Wyld and Wyld shape yourself some competent people!" Zuko
"God, I'm two years to have come this far.  That says terrible things about me as a teacher."  Kadon
"Yeah, you really are a horrible teacher." Ioni
"They weren't your students, they were technically your unpaid working staff." GM
"Well get a whip and beat these children.  They obviously need to learn." Zuko

"Yes, her response is purple monkey dishwasher, and she is telling the truth." GM

"She recovers 6 health levels.  My Mote total swings wildly... yay." Kadon
"Out of curiosity do they count as allies if I punch them for purposes of Kadon getting back motes?" Zuko

"If Zuko wants to legitimately fuckin' kill them when he hits them, then they count."  Kadon
"I'm not convinced I don't." Zuko
"I don't think anyone looks these people as Allies at the moment." Mnemia
"No, they are too incompetent from what I hear."  Ioni
"Wow, that's some bitterness."  GM
"And to think I was thinking about taking some dots for these guys." Kadon

"... any npc we have invested in, is an automatic cock fight." Mnemia
"Woooo cock..."  Ioni
"We'll worry about this later when I kill them."  Zuko

"Go back to the cult... we need more interns."  Mnemia
"No, I got an idea, we give them to Carjack (sp?).  Because they are so fucking stupid they will ruin all his plans."  Zuko

"If the next time Caleb's a smart ass, I'm taking a pinky."  Zuko
"Don't take a pinky, take his girl!" Mnemia
"Yes! I want his girl, as a trophy girl."  Ioni
"It's only fair if I get her." Kadon
"No no no, I get her.  Then I can train her to be a better whore." Ioni
"You're banging my girl, so I get to bang your girl?"  Mnemia
"This is all wrong logic..." Kadon
"And you people call these people damaged... wtf." GM
"Oh god, we are horrible people, and it is amaziiiiing."  Ioni

"I'm just going to go on record with the group and say... not my fault."  Kadon
"What were you supposed to have done that we didn't even think about in the beginning because GM was dropping hints that were unintelligible.."  Ioni
"possibly get married"  Kadon
"You got married?"  Ioni
"No, and that may be the mistake."  Ioni
"I'm so lost."  GM
"Kadon, I will just say, if this whole thing is because of you not properly plowing Nessa regularly....... I will kick your ass."  Zuko.
"Finally caught up with me, did ya?"  Kadon
"Dude, I have these whore houses, I could totally have you trained in the art of plowing..."  Ioni

"Dude hell hath no fury as a woman scorned."  Zuko
"Hell hath no fury as a woman who doesn't get an orgasm."  Ioni
"And, I can't marry you yet because I have an apocalypse to avert, only works for so long." Zuko
"It was legit!  Almost every time!  I created her the best vibrator in creation, I don't know whats wrong here!" Kadon

"I think we have been neglecting the one person who can fix all of our problems.  And now that I think about it, he's probably back at the other base...  Scotty isn't here right now, is he?" Zuko
"Scotty doesn't know."  GM
"It's true that Scotty doesn't know." Zuko

"Y'know in the back of my head, I can just hear GM going 'just check the fuckin' ship you fucking ass holes.'"  Zuko
"No, this is funny as hell to me.  I honestly don't care.  I'm only worried that Mnemia is getting bored because there isn't anything to punch yet."  GM
"There's interns."  Mnemia

"They're blind, I think we can tell them to stay put.  I don't think they can stab each other in the face."  Mnemia
"If such a suggestion is made, there will be some concern between them and the safety in their company." GM
"Well if they weren't such douches to each other all the goddamn time, it wouldn't be a problem.  Consider this a learning experience, now shut the fuck up."  Mnemia
"Niiice"  Kadon
"We are turning the cameras on in the room.  If anyone harms anyone else, we will find out and torture them for the next 25 years, before handing them over to the Malfeans."  Zuko
"Wow, you're really letting the inner Zorina out tonight."  GM

"When we can we're looking at a seminar or a team building experience where we put them out in the snow and they have to find a cabin, some kind of shit."  Mnemia
"Kadon, we're going to have to review your teaching manual.  Apparently you're creating psychopaths."  Ioni
"I've been trying to figure out what I've been doing wrong this whole time."  Kadon
"Not just psychopaths, pussy psychopaths."  Zuko
"You've had them for 2 years!" Mnemia

"Ring ring ring Necrophilia phone.... necrophilia phooone!" Zuko
"Probably is a second circle necrophil.... necromancy spell."  GM

"Well, I'm glad I fleshed out the interns. aren't you?"  GM
"Yep." Kadon
"Sounds more like Caleb has been fleshing out the interns."  Zuko
"And flushing them out."  Ioni
"And the bosses girlfriend too!" Mnemia

"If nobody is going to shake his hand, I want to shake his hand.  For the sole fact I wanna do a stupid."  Ioni
"It's the polite thing to do."  Kadon

"I'll shake the hand, and pull out the purel."  Ioni
"Shake his hand, drop back really fast and squirt squirt squirt.. rub rub rub..."  GM
Ioni dies laughing for 5 minutes
"Just so we are clear, shake his hand, drop back fast, squirt. squirt. squirt.. rub. rub rub...." Zuko

While Ioni is laughing and unable to breath so squeaking.....
"I think Ioni is dead....... those squeaks!" Zuko
"Might have to take a can of oxygen to her."  GM
"You killed Ioni!" Zuko
"There's the quote for the adventure log."  Mnemia
"What?" GM
"Squirt squirt squirt... rub rub rub."  Mnemia

"Oh my god, she has collapsed in the hallway outside my room."  Zuko

"Ioni, do I have to take you to the hospital?"  Zuko
"No.. why would you have to take me to the hospital?"  Ioni
"Because you were laughing so hard you weren't breathing and there might have been some brain damage."  Zuko
"As if that would make much of a difference for me."  Ioni

"Squirt squirt squirt, rub rub rub, I'm happy if you're happy...." Zuko paraphrasing GM's comments.

"The story teller was not prepared for Ioni-speak."  GM

"Her fate was to be beheaded by her first child and by those who had professed their love until the end." GM
"See?  This is why I sacrifice them on their first birthday." Mnemia
"Hard to argue with that."  Kadon
"Scarlet I got some bad news."  Zuko

"Isn't it funny, your name is Cyan and you're looking for a cyan box."  Mnemia
"That had not occurred to the Story Teller until now... also, fuck you."  GM

"There is a lovely wedding in the future that we would be happy for you to attend."  GM as Scarlet Empress' daughter
"Oh?  You're getting married?  Tell me what your dress is like." Ioni
"Oh jesus christ, woman.  There are times its cute, and there are times its just 'oh for fucks sake.'"  Zuko
"Please tell me that was in character."  GM

"I think finding out the date and time of the wedding is really useful if... y'know... someone hadn't fucking retarded all over it." Zuko
"I... agree.?"  Kadon
"You never asked for a competent social character.  you asked for a social character." Ioni
"Yes, I'm sorry but a part of conversation isn't going HEEEEEEFphhhlbt."  Zuko
Mnemia finds a video explaining...

"Out of character, I want her head, mounted on a fuckin' wall.  Preferably my wall so I can stare at it."  Ioni
"What the fuck has she done to you?"  Zuko
"I don't know, but I still want her head."  Ioni
"Yeah, I get that, but where did this vitriol come for someone who has done nothing but listen to your idiotic wedding rants."  Zuko

"Hey guess what the next two days are?!  Quiet game!!!!" GM on how to deal with indoctrinated cult members.

"The other two who have not drunk the koolaid as much, have had other distractions to keep them occupied.  namely each other."  GM
"Yeah, my girlfriend."  Kadon
"Apparently she does Kool-aid."  Ioni
"Some times I don't know if I'm dealing with a really powerful tactical mind, or if it just randomly rolls the dice and pushes the button."  GM

"This is an interesting pattern though.  ZIS sleeps around.  Nessa Sleeps around...  Haven't heard that Scarlet sleeps around, but pretty sure it's happening."  Mnemia

"As a general rule, I don't speak for people's performances.  They are allowed to roll the dice and let the dice speak for them."  GM
"Most dice cannot say oh baby oh baby give me more."  Ioni
"But the ones that can."  Kadon
"those you keep."  Ioni
"Somehow, Kadon has a wits of 2 and a stamina of 2.  Some how I don't think he's that great."  Zuko
"That's why you get the party done up front."   GM
"So he's a cunninglinguist."  Zuko
"Who will push the disconnect button first..."  GM
"He can craft anything!  If he can't do it, he'll craft it."  Ioni

Friday, January 11, 2013

Do you ever have one of those days where one arm pit is sweaty and the other isn't? This is one of those days.

"Yaaaay"  Zuko deadpan
"Say that like you believe it dude!" Kadon

"Are you begging, GM?" Zuko
"Not entirely...." GM

"Video games don't make crazy people.  Parents make crazy people.  We should ban parents... Go away." Kadon

"All  I can say is statistically, every crazy person who has ever lived has had parents.  Fact." Kadon

"I went to Arizona, it was awesome... I got to see Dirango and a bunch of movies." GM
"Saw Durango?" Zuko
"D-jango or something?" GM
"Django.... The D is silent.  As they actually point out in the movie." Zuko

"How was Les Mis?"  Kadon
"I had to uh... man up more than a few times." Zuko
"Yeah, I've heard that about it." Kadon

"How was everyone's Christmas?  Did you get any cool presents?" Zuko
"I got a slinky!" GM

"As much as I enjoy being a nerd, I don't know if I want to go on a cruise and be surrounded by other nerds." Zuko
"Eh, that part I wouldn't really have too much trouble with."  Kadon
"All the pale-ness, I would go blind." Zuko
"And guarantee there would be like no available women on that cruise." Kadon
"Ah well, no. There was a hope." GM
"Cuz GM was just gonna be tearin' ass apart on the cruise..." Zuko
"I could, you don't know!" GM
"No, I'm pretty sure we know." Kadon
"Shuttup. I can dream." GM
"I'm pretty sure that applies to all of us, just to be fair." Kadon
"Pretty sure Ioni has the best chance to land a bunch of hot nerdy girls."  Zuko
"Yeah, probably so." Kadon
"Because for some frustratingly annoying reason, the larger majority of attractive geeky girls end up being lesbians.  Very frustrating." Zuko
"True story." Kadon
{..]
"Holidays are boring.  I don't need to pick up chicks on a cruise..." Mnemia
"Good, more for us." GM

"Speaking of which, did you guys get a Tsunami warning?" GM
"In Madison, WI?"  Zuko
"No... you...."  GM to Zuko
"Pretty sure if we got a Tsunami warning in Madison, we'd all be dead.." Zuko
"Totally screwed." Kadon
"It could have come from the East Coast and wiped out all of that...." GM
"Something big enough to make it to Madison could have... I could just go out on a limb, is kinda crack the earth in half big..." Kadon
"It could have also been a meteorite hitting Lake Michigan..." GM
"To be fair, it could just be y'know... 70% of the earth's people dead." Zuko
"Sure..." Kadon
"What the hell did I miss?!" Ioni
"I do not believe we got any Tsunami warnings here." Zuko
"Also it's been determined, Ioni, that of the people who would go on a Nerd Cruise with us, you have the best chance of scoring chicks."  Kadon
"There's a nerd cruise?  Where is this nerd cruise and why haven't I heard of it until now?" Ioni
"Uh... it's a thing, and it used to exist, and it might still exist but I haven't heard anything lately."  Kadon

"I am currently attempting to cook some form of dinner, so if you hear the fire alarm go off, blame Zuko." Ioni
"I was sitting in my room!!!!" Zuko
"I know."  Ioni

"I think Ioni's point is like the fuckin' locks.  Well, here's 21 motes of Zuko's time...."  Zuko
"Night Caste - this is why we can't have nice things." GM
"I wouldn't say it's just cuz of the Night Caste."  Ioni
"If you want, I could go start stealing some more." Zuko
"In all honesty our Night Caste isn't that bad." Ioni
"That's it, I'm stealing Harbinger next.  Mnemia's gonna come back and find Harbinger up on blocks." Zuko
"Wait, if you steal Harbinger, how is Harbinger up on blocks."  Ioni
"You're just gonna steal the legs?" Kadon
"There's a lot of hate there for the person who is not contributing to this..." Mnemia
"What am I going to steal from Ioni?  Like that she hasn't given up to every man who has crossed her path..  I suppose Kadon could come back to find the Factory Cathedral missing..." Zuko
"Kinda confused as to how that will happen." Ioni
"In the first age, I stole part of the sun!" Zuko
"I know!" Ioni


"More salad if you want it."  Ioni
"Okay." Zuko
"I want some salad." GM
"Well come and visit and you get some salad....  and chicken." Zuko

"Zis who is still on guard duty says she can start the search with every brothel in town." GM
"Zis, we're not starting the search with full body cavity searches just yet." Ioni

"Ioni, you better control Zis, cuz she's starting to out whore you!" Zuko
"She's was always..." GM
"Quick Ioni, make out with Mnemia!" Zuko
"Now now , they've both been whores in their own way.  Where Ioni is a law giver and builder of civilizations, she's being constructive with her.... hobby.  Whereas, Zis is, well would be considered destructive." GM
"I think he's saying that you have a mostly positive vagina, Ioni." Zuko
"I walked away for a bit, what happened?" Ioni

"That you should just start murdering everybody?"  GM
"No, but if we kill all the people fuckin' with us, eventually we'll just be untouchable." Ioni
"Then we can be the fuckers, not the fuckees."  Zuko
"Yeah, pretty sure that's how Stalin came into the world." GM
"Eliminating everyone who is more powerful than us is not..." Kadon
"You tried that, look at where it got you." GM
"Obviously we need to do a better job this time." Ioni
"Bright golden age full of health and prosperity for several thousand years." Zuko
"And people being tortured and turned into musical instruments so you could hear their cries." GM
"Not us!" Zuko
"Okay, sacrificing babies to make your ipods." GM
"We had extras!" Kadon
"It was pretty bitchin." Zuko
"That's not the right answer for a couple of human beings." GM
"But we're not human, we're exalts!" Ioni

"He's still out there.  Technically he's supposed to be out there hunting you guys down and killing you." GM
"Which is why I fucked him."  Ioni
"That's an interesting...bar for admittance right there.  Trying to murder us... really?  Well get in my pants." GM
"I thought I climbed into his pants, or that there were no pants involved." Ioni
"Metaphor falls apart." GM

"As for STD and what not, how do you go about that?" GM
"Full body inspection." Ioni
"Time for Kadon to bust out the rubber gloves." Zuko
"Yup!" Ioni
"Look I know I'm a doctor, but fuck that." Kadon
"You're the doctor, c'mon." Zuko
"The whole point is fucking that." Mnemia

"And what's his name again?" Ioni
"Dammit, I gave him one, I better write it down." GM
"It better not be Ashfinger, cuz... then we'll have to discuss his uhm... strategies." Ioni
"I only have one move, but it works every time." GM
"Think about that for a moment..." Ioni

"Does Kadon now know how to build one?" Zuko on N/A Artifact
"NO!  The first answer is no, and the second answer from your charm is sit on it and spin." GM
"Give it a whirl, Kadon, GM wants to take your flower." Zuko

"There is an error code here and all it says is "The monster is here""  GM
"There is a monster?  Is there an error reference I could look up here?"  Kadon
"That's all there is." GM
"Can I phone a friend?" Kadon

"My mind is blown by this link."  Kadon
"Just to be clear, this is what my coworkers and I looked up on New Years Eve..."  Ioni
"You can't let me have 30 seconds of my link being up there, Ioni?" Zuko
"Nope!" Ioni
"What the fuck..." Kadon
"Why......."GM
"okay, question, Kadon...."  Zuko
"Was truly.... what the hell.  What was that?" Kadon
"Okay, Kadon, you come home from work.  Jewel Staite is naked on your bed waiting for you.  BUT... She has to watch Dolphin bondage porn while you have sex.  Deal breaker?"  Zuko
"Do I have to face the TV?" Kadon
"For at least 5 minutes... Can you power through?" Zuko
"I can power through." Kadon

"I prefer the bitch method."  Mnemia
"Yeaaaaah...." Kadon
"That came across as really creepy, Kadon.  Just FYI"  Zuko
"On one hand, yeah, that's probably the most efficient way to do this.  On the other hand, I think that maybe I shouldn't be sending you guys to talk to really anyone because we could use allies and not enemies.  Granted Chejop is probably a lost cause, but...  still."  Kadon
"Hey, am I punching him right now?  Am I cutting off his limbs? No.  I'm on good behavior!" Zuko

"Don't make him all angry at us!" Ioni
"Charisma of 1... No, it's 2, but still a dick." Zuko
"No, he's been good.  Scarlet's been working on him." GM
"Yeah she has.  Just sayin', if you want Scarlet to turn into a dude, I will just go into vicious detail.  I'm way better at crafting disturbing mental images than you are at trying to subvert mine...." Zuko

"Bzzzzzzzzz." Zuko
"No the fleshlight you dork."  GM
"You have a battery powered fleshlight?" Zuko
it's a tiny LED Flashlight" GM
Kadon cracks up...
"It was tiny and it had an LED."  Kadon
"Really?  it had to be tiny?  Poor GM" Ioni
"I'm not the one who said it!" Kadon
"To be fair, he did say those words...  I feel for you man.  I don't feel you... and I don't..." Zuko

"I hate to bring up the Wrath of Khan question here, but are we searching in three dimensions?"  Zuko
"I would assume so, seeing as it's a flying boat that got stuck in the air."  Mnemia

"6!"  Ioni
"8." Mnemia
"Mine are all natural." Ioni
"First time for everything." Zuko
"Mnemia is offended by that." Mnemia
"It's okay, we still love yours." Ioni
"Yours are enhanced." GM

"What is the scale of the humanoid?" Mnemia
"Humanish." GM
"So we found the Silver Surfer?" Mnemia
"It's all good, I'll tell him we know where Shalla-Bal is.  He'll do whatever I want him to." Zuko

Link
"That is the most disturbing Doritos commercial ever." GM

"Is the whole flock one creature or is it a butt load of demons?" Zuko
"It would be a butt load of demon." GM
"Mnemia you're needed on deck." Kadon
"What the fuck?  They are first circles!  We don't need her." Zuko
"She can do this much more quickly and easily." Kadon
"You can just shoot them one at a time, c'mon don't be a wuss." Zuko
"I'm driving the boat...."  Mnemia
"Run them over... put it in third gear... and run them down.  We got engines on this thing, right?  Just wooosh.  The ship can handle bird strike." Zuko
"Do we have a grille on this thing?"  Mnemia
"This mental image of the Whirley-Gig with this big cow catcher on the front." Kadon

"Definitely surprised that we are being faced with a flock..." Mnemia
"How so?"  GM
"You know what Mnemia can do...." Mnemia

"She hasn't killed anything in 14 or 15 days now... Of course she's driving at it." Mnemia
"Fair enough." Zuko

"... striking bird bitch 1, bird bitch 2, bird bitch 4 and bird bitch 8."  Mnemia
"And I have to say, all momentousness of this just went away."  Zuko

"If there are 3 health boxes, and I have 53 damage dice per bird, do you just want to call that one and move on?  Yeah, I just won."  Mnemia

"It's like watching an Elephant give birth, it's just like that shouldn't work." GM
"How many times have you watched an Elephant give birth?"  Ioni
"How many times is your pants off." Zuko
"HEY!" Ioni
"I'm going to go never on both accounts, unless that hey was Zuko stealing Ioni's pants." GM
"Why do you want me to steal Ioni's pants?" Zuko
"My pants are firmly on, thank you very much.  No Zuko you don't need to try." Ioni

"Terrible people...  You fuckers, every last one of you." GM repeatedly.

".. Have you ever had chopsticks splinter in your mouth?" Ioni

"Time to sit down and have more wine." Zuko
"We're out." Ioni
"Panic." Zuko
"We're also out of chocolate." Ioni
"We're doomed." Zuko

"It should have crash landed earlier... like several seconds earlier and I would have been able to save it." Kadon
"We don't have a very bright silver surfer." Mnemia
"Save her... well that was very good information.... Jackass." Zuko

"He doesn't even show up until everything dies, then says 'save her' then dies... he doesn't even carve out The Castle Aaaarrrgh."  Zuko

"Does he have any pocketses?"  Zuko
"Is it autopsy time?" Mnemia
"You're looting the body basically." GM
"I prefer it as looking for clues a little more useful than 'save her' but yes." Zuko

"They belong to Kimberly." GM
"She who shops at the mall?" Zuko

"Fuck you Mnemia..." Zuko
"Sorry I'm the tank."  Mnemia
"Except you aren't   You're like the fourth edition anti-tank.  You're like I can take a hit but no one will ever hit me because I scare them away." Zuko
"There is that." Mnemia
"What you desperately need is a fuckin' taunt, but you don't have one.  You have an anti-taunt."  Zuko

"It's White Wolf.  There are different people saying different things about the cosmotology of the universe.... So.." GM
"Cosmology.  I'm sorry..Cosmotology is..." Kadon
"Looking good."  Ioni
"Lunars do that too."  GM
"Cosmotology is the art and sciences of applying make up."  Kadon
"And hair styles." Ioni
"and again they have knacks for that too." GM
"But it doesn't affect weather they can use Sidereal martial arts I'm pretty sure." Kadon
"And its a whole lot of rouge might make things better." Zuko
"I don't know.  Look at David Bowie, I suspect most of his power comes from his appearance score."  GM
"I got nothing."  GM
"GM did win the argument.  He made us all stop thinking." Zuko

"With the Jewel Staite question from earlier, Kadon.  If it was Koala rape, would that be a deal breaker?" Zuko
"I think those are both as horribly horrid as..." GM
"I think I have to say if that is not a deal breaker for her, I need to re-evaluate the entire attraction.  How about that?" Kadon
"What if it was Anorexia Porn?" Ioni
"It's not, I mean there you go."  Zuko
"Are we dealing with actual human fucking beings." GM
"So as long as it involves actual human beings, whatever porn is okay for you?"  Zuko
"No... no.. the field narrows further." GM
"No, we're fuckin' done here." Kadon


Sunday, January 06, 2013

Bring on the Fap Calendar!

It's been a while!  Happy holidays, and lets bring in the new year with more games!

"For GM"  Mnemia links.
"So, you're giving GM his anime porn collection he should watch?"  Ioni
"I suspect he's already fapped to them all."  Mnemia
"Most likely." Ioni
"It's mildly disturbing, you guys debating what I might be fapping to... something wrong about that.  Also, not seen any of those, so your thoughts are wrong."  GM
"We obviously need to pool resources and give you an anime librarian fapping calendar."  Ioni

"YAY FOR BEING HOME WHERE A MOTHERFUCKING CHIHUAHUA ISN'T FUCKING MY PILLOWS TO CLAIM THEM!... can we nuke all chihuahuas in the world?  It would make my life easier."  Ioni
"You are not an animal person are you." Mnemia
"I love corgis, cats, border collies  Pyrenees  etc... I just hate most dogs that can be used for footballs... I'm also allergic to them, so today is the first day I can breathe without feeling an on-coming cold."  Ioni
"Sorry.  For whatever reason I thought it was GM complaining about small animals.  Which might be even worse."  Mnemia

"Is there a Hallmark card for, 'Sorry, thought you were GM.'?"  Mnemia

"For the record, most friends would at the most look for single friends to hook them up with, or at the least try to discourage porn.  It says something about you guys pooling together to give out 'fap material.'"  GM

"The Koala was a complete terror.  Basically was going through drug withdrawl from not having eucalyptus, which is apparently a lot like fuckin' crack for them, and was just a holy terror."  Kadon
"So it was a Koala raping a cat..." Ioni
"Amongst its numerous crimes it literally raped this gentleman's cat to death."  Kadon
"What the fuck are you people talking about?!" GM
"Koalas in withdrawl." Kadon
"I found this facebook site of 'the guy above was raped by a koala' post... but that's not it.  I want to link to this dammit!"  Ioni

"Koala Chlamydia.  One direction boy band member fear infection."  Ioni
"What the shit?" Kadon
"I type in Koala raping a cat to death and on the second page I come up with Koala Chlamydia: One direction boy band members fear infection." Ioni

"So, apparently if a koala urinates on you it puts you at risk of Chlamydia." Ioni
"Oh it wasn't bad enough to link it, you had to read it too?" Mnemia

"Also, for the record, if you are making a calendar.  No on the koala raping a cat." GM
"Make a calendar?" Ioni
"Okay, he's down with the fapable librarians calendar.  He just doesn't want any Koala's on it." Kadon
"Topic of discussion 2 seconds before the damn koala!" GM
"What if the Koala was grabbing a boob?  Kinda squeezing with its claws?"  Ioni
"No" GM
"What's wrong with that, GM.  Also, there's a lot of effort going into making a calendar so why would you object?" Ioni
"Yeah, what would you possible object to that for?"  Mnemia

"I'm just going to confirm here, you said rooming, right?" Kadon
"I said rooming.  What did you think I said?" Ioni
"I heard a different vowel." Kadon
"Ruuming?"  Ioni
"Ramming." Mnemia
"Oh, okay, thank you." Ioni
"I actually heard an 'i' but, y'know, whatever." Kadon
"Well if he wants to rim her, he wants to rim her."  Ioni
"I do not..!" GM

"I would much rather have the fap calendar." GM

"I heard a lot about it, and then every time I go and look at what it's about, I turn right around and stop giving a shit.  And then a couple of weeks later, someone says this was awesome, and I forget why I walked away from it, so I look at the premise again and read the premise and turn right around and stop giving a shit again.  So.." Mnemia on choosing anime.

"And they will constantly drag you through crap that you aren't prepared for." GM
"Like the freaky little children." Ioni
"No comment your honor." GM
"Goddammit GM, exactly what the hell do you think little 6 year olds do in their free time?  They play with fuckin' dolls they don't go in the mother fucking underworld." Ioni
"Yeah, well this is exalted, this is okay." GM
"Doesn't matter!"  Ioni
"On the one hand... hehehe... On the other hand, I have to side with GM, this is Exalted."  Kadon

"Given the amount of shit the circle has given him (Gavin), he intends to stay far far away when they (Mnemia's kids) come of age and be there a while."  GM
"That just proves he has an intelligence higher than one." Mnemia
"Alternately it proves he is interested in them.  Which is kinda gross at this age."  Kadon
"How... No!  Doesn't matter.  If he is in the vicinity, he is going to get nuked by a fly-by drone without a chance to say 'no, I was at the coffee shop all day.  I have not idea!'"  GM
"Note to self, invent virginity guarding drones." Kadon
"Good call." Ioni
"Unfortunately, when exposed to Ioni, they just explode." Kadon
"Shutup!" Ioni
"The mental images of that... I cannot un-see."  GM
"It's okay, you're just jealous of my pelvic thrust." Ioni
"That needs to go on the boards.  The pelvic thrust.  That is a bold statement."  GM

"You do all that work and you take it out to dinner and all you get is an ally.  Not a sex bunny, an ally."  Ioni
"If you want to sleep with your weapon spirit, that gives me bizarre character concept ideas but I could see it working."  Kadon
"All of a sudden I see form Dusk Til Dawn the one dude with the crotch gun."  GM
"Don't underestimate the crotch gun."  Ioni
"Allow me to just say I call her Vera!" Kadon

"Don't you dare hurt my dapper weasel!" Ioni

"What's wrong with Zombies?" GM
"Zombies are the laziest form of creature... in... media.." Mnemia
"You dislike they are over used?" GM
"They are lazy.  They are sloppy.  They are not interesting!  They are not creative.  They are just trite crap!" Mnemia

"I haven't played Paranoia in 15 years and I'm still burnt out."  Kadon
"What?!"  Ioni
"Wow, that's a statement."  GM

"I may be put on training detail." Ioni
"Here's some of the worst things on the internet."  GM

"Oh yeah!  We found some anorexia adult content too!" Ioni
"Oh jesus." Kadon
"It was messed up." Ioni
"Fuck this, I'm out!" Kadon