End of the Second City... But we never visited the Second City.

"Everyone at work loved the audio clip." Danzomaru
"Screw you, you bastards." Hachiro

"I thought we were working on 1/4 of creation is going explode." GM
"No, 1/4 of creation is going to be impregnated.  Half is going to blow up." Danzomaru
"Who is doing the impregnation?" GM
"Mnemia" Danzomaru
"It's time to switch the tables on that one." Kazuko
"Immaculate Dawn You Not Me Rape technique." Danzomaru
"Tired of being on the receiving end of that process." Kazuko
"You don't like morning sickness?" GM
"No. Mnemia was not a fan." Kazuko
"But it was great for your figure." GM
"I'm..." Kazuko
"I'm assuming Mnemia is not hourglass shaped.  I'm assuming Mnemia is Amazonian kill your ass shaped." Hachiro
"In my mind, Mnemia has always been built like a brick shit house.  Mnemia might demand Snu Snu." Danzomaru

"Y'know for all the flailing we've done in this campaign, we seem to have done our flailing rather efficiently." Kazuko

"If you don't want to be represented by a giant penis." Kazuko
"Dong - sama." Danzomaru

"Oh yeah, I concur with the fuck statement." Kazuko

"We ready to do this?" Sanbi
"Not sure, you ready?" GM
"No, we need another two hours." Kazuko
"Lets do this." Danzomaru
"Not sure what we're doing, can someone explain?" Hachiro
"Oh goddamn you, Hachiro." GM
"We're all going to die." Danzomaru
"We're attempting to initiate surprise butt sex." Kazuko

"What's your earth ring now?" Sanbi
"Four." Danzomaru
"Same as mine." Sanbi
"Okay fine, lets have you get your ass kicked.  I'll take a swing at Sanbi here." Danzomaru

Ssssssssspank it.

"Yes, but where are you located..... California!" GM
"The proper answer to that is 'The Fourth Circle of Hell.'" Kazuko

"No, it's a plot hole, Hachiro.  It's a giant gaping ass of a plot hole." Kazuko
"It's Goatse-esque of a plot hole.' Sanbi

"It's an honorable quest for a samurai." GM
"Yea, we're in the neighborhood." Hachiro
"Not in particular!  Not a dishonorable quest, but not like its going to be amazing for us to do it.  It's a nice thing to do.  She also murdered a samurai so fuck this bitch." Danzomaru

"Alright, I have to ssssssspank it yet, damn." Hachiro
"Uhhhh-" Sanbi
"What?!" Danzomaru
"Bank. It.  Cuz I only have-" Hachiro
"That is not what you said! Just correct me if I'm wrong.  Anyone else?" Danzomaru
"You are not wrong." Sanbi
"You are not wrong." Kazuko
"God I hope GM has that recording.  I vote... we get that audio clip separated and god that's going to be fun." Danzomaru
"Good to have plans for the evening." Sanbi
"Oh Hachiro, I am sorry.  There are times I feel bad, but then you just make it so easy!" Danzomaru
"What did I miss?" GM
"Hachiro informed us that he didn't have enough XP, so he was going to have to spank it." Danzomaru

".. True.... I'm expecting a massive blood bath to compensate for it." GM
"Well put some pussy ronin in front of us!" Danzomaru
"You could have left out the ronin." Sanbi
"Well, you do have the weasels if you want just that." GM

"AFK while I do laundry" Hachiro
[...]
"Thought you were going to spank it later." Danzomaru
"Maybe he just wants to get a full load in..  Anyway.." GM
"God, GM." Sanbi

"I don't think Kazuko has ever fought a tiger before." Kazuko
"I thought that was traditional monk training.  Go to the mountains, fight a tiger with your bare hands..." Sanbi
"We say that, because it makes us seem more bad ass.  But it's actually a big pit of kittens and we just roll around in it." Kazuko
"Poor kittens." Sanbi

"I'd like to point out the Monk kicked it with his foot, I actually have a tool." Hachiro
"Do you have tool envy?" Kazuko
"Lets just say mine's bigger." Hachiro
"Considering my character, god I hope so." Kazuko

"God dude, how do you fuckin' attack... Fuck you Kazuko." Danzomaru looking at the rolls

Rakshasasasasasaaaaaaaa - query the quarry

"Jumanji?" Danzomaru
"Sumajii" GM
"When we get there, there's going to be a board game." Hachiro
"He does have a pair of dice if you'd like to roll them." GM
"uhhhh." Sanbi

"So they are basically bad news, not just from our Xenophobic view points?" Hachiro
"Fuckin'.... he killed like seven Samurai.  That's pretty objectively bad." Danzomaru
"I'm just making sure that they are all like that, not just this one guy." Hachiro
"You need to learn how racism works, dude." Danzomaru

"44!" Danzomaru
"So the Crab can read everything." GM
"Hold up, I'm the only one who has calligraphy?" Danzomaru

"The writer is female." GM
"So there's hearts in the kanji?" Danzomaru
"Yes." GM

"Question GM." Danzomaru
"Yeah..." GM
"Is this the kind of thing that you're probably going to have to commit seppuku over?" Danzomaru
"So, Hachiro killed another one." GM
"C'MON!" Hachiro
"It's quite possible that Hachiro has the highest kill count." Sanbi

"Getting as much information out of her about our query is best." Hachiro
"Okay, Hachiro... Quarry..... Quarry." Danzomaru
"Isn't quarry where you get rocks?" Hachiro
"Yes, its the same thing as form what you are chasing.  Query is a question. Or a really homosexual e." Danzomaru

I don't know how to wield a sword....

Link
"Apparently there is an exhibit of this one at the HOM.  You could go visit, Hachiro." GM
"That lady needs a sammich." Hachiro
"This lady took her sammich.... And then there is the pedophile."  Kazuko
"Why..." Hachiro
"Doesn't that make you think, Hachiro?  Doesn't evoke some sort of emotion in you?"  Kazuko
"Should the emotional response I'm having be eww.???" Hachiro
"You just want to go back to the lady who needs a sammich don't you." GM

"If you wanna take a nap, go fuck a bitch and pass out." Kazuko
"Sure." GM
"That was uh.. something to say."  Sanbi

"For the next episode, I'd like to introduce the fact that everybody has been boinking your various pets."  GM
"Wha???" Sanbi
"Whose fuckin' the pets?" Kazuko
"Sanbi" GM

"Wouldn't the right hand of the daimyo be a rival for her affections?" Kazuko
"They aren't necessarily talking about the wife or the guy who jacks hiim off, so..." GM
"Nevermind." Kazuko
"The daimyo is the daimyo, he doesn't have to masturbate himself.  He can get someone to do it for him." GM
"How did we.... how ... how did we?" Sanbi
"Because we always do." Kazuko


"Of all the people at court, if the Mantis is the polite one, the Mantis is probably lying to you."  Kazuko
"I wouldn't necessarily say polite.  I'm just trying to observe... the rules."  Hachiro
"So you plop down next to her and you say 'what up bitch, talk to me about mountains.'" Kazuko

"Hachiro, how many times has your character broken out into the 'I'm on a boat' song?" Kazuko

"The artist is writing sonnets about you, praising your investigative abilities, and your honor for the artisans.." GM
"Oh you're screwed." Kazuko
"Yeah this doesn't sound like good things." Hachiro
"You used evidence and investigation to shame a samurai.  You're gonna get fuckin' beat with soap in your sleep." Kazuko

"I think it was made clear in the last session that if this were true, he would need to commit seppuku.  You proved that it was true, and he committed seppuku.. You were killing the man, Hachiro.  Killed him with your own two hands." Kazuko
"No... killed him with his tongue." GM.... silence before giggles.
"I don't even say anything and the shit just comes over." Hachiro

"I will tell a story about how I warned that the walking dead were upon our shores....  leaving out certain parts."  Hachiro
"How about a story about you're on a boat." Kazuko

"...various chickens and small children." GM
"I see..." Sanbi
"It has to be small children." Kazuko
"Well it tastes just like chicken.  c'mon!" GM
"Kitsune are good luck."  Sanbi
"Until it jumps on your small child."  Kazuko
"Until it eats your small child." Hachiro
"It's only gonna scalp it." GM
"Trust me, they are much more terrifying when they turn into women." Sanbi
"That's only cuz they are gonna eat your dick and not give it back." GM
"Wow, you have a very different image of the Kitsune than I do."  Sanbi

"Porn is usually enjoyable." Hachiro
"WAVE OFF DUDE!" Sanbi

"Sorry, I'm trying to activate all female genes to see how to turn this on you and make you feel really bad." GM
"Puppy dog eyes and tears." Kazuko
"Yes, I think she will tear up and say 'is my company really that bad.?'" GM
"As I said clearly before.." Sanbi
"Yes..  crazy bitch!  begone... BEGONE!" Kazuko

"I'm sure my first piece of advice to him would be, well you should probably make an honest woman of her." Hachiro
"Next time, don't stick your dick in 'em." Kazuko
"I DIDN'T!  For once." Sanbi
"Are you absolutely certain of that?" Hachiro
"Yes, I have learned my lesson!" Sanbi

"And trying to be suspect and discreet about my going arounds." Hachiro
"I think you mean circumspect." Sanbi
"Yeah, cuz suspect means people think you're doing it." GM
"Whatever... shut it..." Hachiro

"The dick does have to go into the vagina for the baby to happen." GM
"That usually helps." Hachiro
"Wait a minute, Mnemia has a problem with this." Kazuko
"Mnemia is not here.  Besides the ghost just shoved a little ectoplasm in there." GM
"I don't think that's how that worked." Kazuko
"Wow... uh... wow." Sanbi
"Hachiro just vicariously raped Mnemia...." GM

"You can't get her pregnant twice.  It's a free ride for at least a couple months." Kazuko

"If you would like to fuck the pregnant lady, you can fuck the pregnant lady." GM
"Yeah no, there's maho involved.  Until we determine where it came from, I'm going to refrain from putting my dick in it." Hachiro
"But it's nice and warm.  Anyway, moving on." GM
"Wow GM... just Wow..." Sanbi

"You don't know jack shit.  You think you're all alone.  You think you could go buck naked and no one would see you." GM
"Kazuko would like you to not go naked.  She would see it." Kazuko
"You would go blind."  GM
"You don't want a second crying woman on your hands do you?" Kazuko

"The other thing about Kazuko you notice is that she is some what of a smart ass.  Not all of these comments are out of character." Kazuko
"Just like you." GM

"It's an interacial kami, and goddammit, we only have pure kami around here.  You're a pure earth kami or you're no kami at all."  GM
"That's... racist?" Sanbi
"That's kamicist." GM
"Thaaaaat's Rokugan!" Hachiro

"So now, to prevent a war, I'm going to stick my dick in it!" Hachiro
"So this guy who hates you, first you discredit his father and he kills himself, then you stick your dick in his sister... I don't think this is going to help you." Kazuko
"Maybe I should send him a picture of me with my thumbs up.." Hachiro
"While balls deep in his sister."  Sanbi
"Maybe, but I don't think I want to go there." Hachiro
"While on a boat." Kazuko

L5R returns...

We've switched to Legend of the Five rings for a bit.  Just to give our other GM a breather since we were creating loops in our ancestor tables that might not ever get fixed.

For continuity/personality sake:
GM- Ioni
Sanbi - Kadon
Kazuko - Mnemia
Danzomaru - Zuko
Hachiro - Exalted GM

"I'm pretty certain that Hachiro does not have his microphone plugged in because his power cord is attempting to uhh fornicate with him. Or his head phone jack."  GM
"Wow, how much does a headset like that cost?" Sanbi
"Dude, don't blame the power cord.  Hachiro put it in there himself."  Danzomaru

"So you're probably first gen mantis clan."  GM
"Oh, well then Brutha!"  Hachiro
"Let me introduce you to my wife..."  Kazuko
"Dude I will give you so much money if you sleep with his wife." Danzomaru
"Not cool dude." Hachiro
"He probably has.  Did you read that back story?  He has banged all the things."  Kazuko
"I have not had a chance to read it yet.  Is there something I should know?"  Hachiro
"Banged all the things!" GM
"I'm pretty sure that back story was an ancestor.  At least I hope that's what it means."  Danzomaru
"He has banged all the things."  GM
"I hope you're referring to in the geisha houses and the town... and not the forest too." Hachiro
"Look its one little realm of existance, calm down." Sanbi
"Oh brother!  Wait, you could be my brother.  No, you're my father... goddammit!" GM
"We established last week who the father was."  Hachiro
"Well you never know.  There might have been a miscarriage in the beginning." GM
"God." Sanbi
"Not cool man.  Not cool.  Not even a little bit cool man."  Hachiro

"Tamiko just didn't realize she liked the cock."  Sanbi
"But once she got her first taste?  Oh my god."  Danzomaru
"She just could not keep her orrifices off."  Sanbi
"She's like oh sweet mystery of life, at last I found you." Danzomaru singing
"You realize I hate all of you, right?" Hachiro
"You brought this on yourself."  Danzomaru
"You realize, Hachiro, that what you think doesn't matter to us in the slightest."  Sanbi
"You realize, you played a female character, right?"  GM
"Yeah, and?"  Hachiro
"What you think doesn't matter." GM
"GOD!" Sanbi
"I'm sorry, I'm channeling Danzomaru."  GM
"Danzomaru, what have you done with GM?"  Sanbi
"I don't know but it hurts on me."  Danzomaru

"Do you have attendants or wives that just follow you around?" Danzomaru
"I have..... fiances?" Sanbi
"What the..."  Hachiro
"He has a harem.  It happens." Kazuko
"What kind of harem.  Please tell me they are human"  Hachiro
"Not exactly."  Sanbi
"Seriously, that was supposed to be you?  Oh jesus fucking christ..." Danzomaru
"You have a bunch of squirrels following you?"  Hachiro
"Just read the fucking thing Hachiro."  Danzomaru

"Remember, just like Kadon, he will fall completely for one of his students and forget about her the moment she disappears.."  Danzomaru
"Shut up, fucker." Sanbi

"She will bat her eyes and okay, creepy picture."  GM
"That guy looks more rapey than lecherous.  Just sayin.  Much less 'how you doin' much more 'don't worry, no one's gonna hear you scream'."  Danzomaru
"Its that industrial fan in the background that does it." Kazuko
"That really does it." Danzomaru
"Yeah, best I could do on short notice."  Sanbi
"Oh wow, the best you could do on short notice is rapey." GM
"I...  I... anyway..." Sanbi
"Welcome to my world dude.  This happens to me all the time." Hachiro
"I'm really not getting the rapey vibe off that picture, but anyway."  Sanbi
"It's turning you on?" Danzomaru

Vid located
"When he has the surgical mask on, rapey.  Gonna give him the thumbs up for the rape-age." GM
"Who the fuck is this?" Sanbi
"Nagira Komera? And he's got blood dripping over him in areas."  GM
"How the fuck did you find that that fast, Kazuko." Danzomaru
"1:40.. thats the image that I'm gonna think of Sanbi as.... No wait, 2:06....." Danzomaru
"I gotta see these now.  Yeah, 1:40 is a little creepy....  HHAHAHAHAHAA." Hachiro
"No, wait, 3 minutes." Danzomaru

"You have chosen poorly!" Danzomaru

"He's Kitsune because of his colors and he's weird." GM
"Wait, Shugenja are allowed to leer?" Hachiro
"No, weird." Sanbi

"Have you banged a monk yet?" Danzomaru
"I don't know, have you banged a monk yet." GM
"I don't know, but if I haven't then I haven't tried." Sanbi
"Maybe they are too honorable." GM
"hehe." Sanbi
"They aren't going to be your white whales of banging?" GM
"Oh we'll find Pheonix Shugenja for you." Danzomaru

"I do believe I've met your mother." Sanbi
"NOT COOL DUDE!" Hachiro

"For the record, I've sent a picture of my character and he's 6'2."  Danzomaru
"He is ginormous." Sanbi
"He is a ginormous hunk of man." Danzomaru

"You open the door and a tiny timid man is there asking 'what do you need sir samurai.'" GM
"I was wondering if you had some time to indulge some curiosities." Hachiro
"This isn't college anymore, Hachiro" Danzomaru
"See it took my a while to figure out what the fuck you were talking about sir, but fuck you sir.  If that's what I meant, I'd have sake with the crazy dude and the foxes."  Hachiro
"Why would you go after the foxes?" Danzomaru
"Or the dude?" GM
"If that.. never mind... fuck you all." Hachiro
"I think that's what we were talking about."  GM

"So, does the adventure module have the conditions of if the rest of the party goes off and has an orgy?"  Kazuko
"Uhm, no.  But I'm more than happy to bump over to you guys and lets go after your orgy!" GM


"...And she obviously enjoys your company." GM
*whistle of cop sirens going past an open window.*
"Rape Cops are go!" Danzomaru
"He will continue on, because he doesn't see a problem here." Sanbi

"You needn't worry about me.  I spent much of my life alone on a mountain.  I can certainly find ways to entertain myself if you ah... wish a quiet stroll." Kazuko
"Through masturbation." GM
"So help me I come back to my room and find a fur pile going on." Sanbi
"You'll be jealous." GM
"And in one session, one player took the other players harem away." Hachiro

"Here, allow us to do this in character.  And by in character, somebody else should say what I'm about to say."  Sanbi

"I talked to the Yasuki and he's like you should do it, you should do it....  I'm like fuck that noise." Danzomaru

"Blame GM"  Danzomaru
"Why are you blaming me?" GM
"When in doubt blame the GM" Danzomaru
"Oh." GM
"Well you guys blame me all the time." Hachiro
"That's because its always your fault.  Like all the cancer." Danzomaru