Sunday, January 13, 2013

You will learn Intern.... maybe.

"What response would you like me to give?" GM
"No!"  Ioni
"By the way, Ioni would just like to know if she were to put on a push up bra and low cut shirts and then take photos of herself and send them to you guys, if it would help the game run smoother." Zuko
"No! that was not the phrasing!"  Ioni
"I'm pretty sure the answer you're gonna get is 'yes' but in actuality it will be no."  GM
"I don't know how pictures of Ioni is supposed to make the game run better." Mnemia
"I don't think it was that. I think it was to distract Kadon from pontificating."  Zuko
"Yep!"  Ioni
"I'm willing to participate in this experiment." Kadon

"Mnemia, I have a really important question for you." Zuko
"Yeah?" Mnemia
"Do all Mormons sing and dance?"  Zuko
"Uhm..."  Mnemia
"Didn't you just see the Book of Mormon?  Wouldn't you be able to answer that question better?" GM
"I don't know how factually accurate that was."  Zuko
"They like to..?  Don't know if I would say if it's a particularly Mormon trait, but..."  Mnemia

"...then we talked about Kadon's awesome intern group.  Remind me of the comment again?  I think it was awesome." GM
"Kadon's angels?" Zuko
"Given that two of them are dudes, that may not go over as well." GM
"Wyld shaping, there isn't anything it can't fix."  Kadon
"Not entirely sure how that would go over with them." GM
"They don't have a choice.  They're interns!" Ioni
"I'm pretty sure... uh well....  They're allowed to quit...."  GM

"Oh my god, Llagar has low breading!" Zuko
"What?" GM/Kadon
"Llagar has low breading."  Zuko
"Yeah, it didn't make any more sense the second time you said it." Kadon
"I'm looking at your intern notes!  Llagar has low breading.  I'm assuming that means low breeding."  Zuko

"How the hell do you get essence 4 as an enlightened mortal.."  Zuko
"Well I'm pretty sure lots of solars have asked that."  GM
"Why don't we kill her and distill her blood."  Zuko
"No.." Kadon
"Why can't we kill Nessa?" Ioni
"No..." Kadon
"Apparently there is a lot of jizz going into this person and that's causing the Essence 4?"  Ioni
"Mnemia is just now 'man it was so much more peaceful when those two jackasses weren't back yet.'" Zuko
"There was an imminent possibility of actual process being made."  Kadon

"I forgot to press BUTTONS!  buttons.." Kadon

"We need more panko in this place." Zuko

"Since I have investigation charms the can tell me the genetic make up of everybody, I can totally be the Maury Pauvich show and tell people who's the daddy!"  Zuko
"So wait, Nessa is Kadons grand daughter?" Ioni
"That would be terrifying." Kadon
"Y'know, before we weren't getting anywhere, now we're really not getting anywhere." GM

"There was something else that slipped away from my brain..." GM
"Panty raids." Ioni

"She really puts more effort into the boy than anyone else."  GM
"It's really about the effort he puts into her if you know what I mean."  Kadon

"He is most definitely plowing his girlfriend.  He makes sure to clean up after so your factory cathedral works just fine."  GM
"That's on your holographic design table."  Mnemia
"They made Jarvis into a perv."  Zuko
"I'd mock them, but they learned it from somewhere." Kadon

"You should probably name the boat so we can keep them..." GM
"The S.S. Monkey Spank."  Zuko
"You already named one that."  GM
"No we didn't."  Ioni
"Wasn't that the next one after the Galactic Prophilactic?" GM

"Why do I have the feeling we're all involved in a Mario World at this point." Ioni

"Use invisible tittie powers."  Zuko
"Yep."  Ioni
"They don't seem to be able to see you." GM
"That's why I said invisible tittie powers."  Zuko

"Zuko will be like... Both of you stop it right now and step away from each other or I will knock you and probably maybe kill you.  You have one second to comply."  Zuko
"Wandering Lion does it right away.  So the Sidereal though, is more surprised and gives out a simple 'How the hell did you get here....'"  GM
"Punched in the face."  Zuko

"Yeah, just... shhh shhh...stop talking."  Zuko
"Do these people not... has the intern never met Zuko before?" Mnemia

"I'm having him sit down."  Ioni
"Didn't just say don't move!?"  Zuko
"Zuko, shuttup!" Ioni
"My ship is broken, I'm not in the mood for fuckery, but I'm still going to be a troll to the rest of you fuckers..."  GM

"Ioni's attack form."  Zuko
"What the fuck!?" Kadon
"What the why..... I'm officially going to go with what.." GM
"Click it!" Ioni
"Is there a  pair of xenomorphs trying to burst out of her chest there?"  GM
"They wouldn't be that smooth."  Ioni

"She must be really getting pounded in the behind."  Ioni
Kadon breaks down.
"Okay! I need a drink of water now...."  GM
"Really good camera work there." Kadon
"Dammit Ioni."  GM
"Well she's balancing on a pole or something and then someone else is behind her.  Suuure, that way she can cross her arms and her boobs can bust out like that." Ioni
"Those aren't her arms.. Some one else is just giving it to her."  Zuko
"I'm fairly certain the human..."  GM
"Shut up!  She likes it obviously!  Just look at her face!" Zuko

"I'm pretty sure the human body is not a stress toy where you squeeze one end and the eyeballs pop out."  GM

"We want answers, but if anyone opens their mouths, they're dead."  Mnemia
"Can't tell if Mnemia just trolled too... or not.."  GM

"Uh... h....w....hh...."  Kadon after looking at link.
"Your second link broke Kadon."  Zuko
"What the fuck!?" Kadon
"I wish I didn't know about that." GM
"I haven't seen it, and I'm not.. entirely sure what I'm looking at..."  Kadon
"Have you at least heard of the Human Centipede?"  Mnemia
"Now you have just aggro'd the Ioni!"  GM

Zuko's attacks.
"Is this from the Ballad of Riki-Oh?"  Zuko

"These are all horrible things... the last one's not."  GM
"Bout to say, if you thought the last one was a horrible thing."  Mnemia
"The last one I think, is supposed to be in color...?"  GM
"I'm sorry, GM, was that you recognizing the scene?" Kadon
"It has to be from early 90s to late 80s judging by art style." Zuko
"The smudges on the screen are the most disturbing part of that image from my opinion."  Kadon

"Zuko's completely out of fucks to give about people not doing what he wants." Zuko
"What was your question?"  GM
"Who were you fucking.." Zuko
"And was it good?"  Ioni
"[..]He doesn't really want to say if it was good, because he doesn't ask you about your sex life.  Shakes his head in an affirmative."  GM
"Sweety, I'd tell you about my sex life, but then you're realize how horrible yours really is."  Ioni

"Just make sure her clitoris doesn't rise up to destroy us all."  Zuko
"I put a frog on it, just in case."  Ioni

"You're going to find out who Nessa has been sexting."  Ioni
"Thank you Ioni."  Kadon
"It's Gavin." Zuko

"The note says not to trade the box or Ioni to the Infernal for what she is asking for."  GM
"When was I on the list to be traded?" Ioni

"Didn't realize I was on the menu."  Ioni
"Ioni you're always on the menu."  Kadon like a creepy stalker
"I wasn't going to say it."  GM
"I'm glad you think so highly of me, but still, what the fuck?" Ioni

"Em-nut......" GM
"Emnut Shaymalan?"  Ioni
"sigh..." Kadon
"With a twist!" Ioni

"Interns suck!" Zuko
"Yep!" Ioni
"Which you get for free!" GM
"What level of damage is retarded?" Mnemia
"What don't we get for free?  Kadon just go into the Wyld and Wyld shape yourself some competent people!" Zuko
"God, I'm two years to have come this far.  That says terrible things about me as a teacher."  Kadon
"Yeah, you really are a horrible teacher." Ioni
"They weren't your students, they were technically your unpaid working staff." GM
"Well get a whip and beat these children.  They obviously need to learn." Zuko

"Yes, her response is purple monkey dishwasher, and she is telling the truth." GM

"She recovers 6 health levels.  My Mote total swings wildly... yay." Kadon
"Out of curiosity do they count as allies if I punch them for purposes of Kadon getting back motes?" Zuko

"If Zuko wants to legitimately fuckin' kill them when he hits them, then they count."  Kadon
"I'm not convinced I don't." Zuko
"I don't think anyone looks these people as Allies at the moment." Mnemia
"No, they are too incompetent from what I hear."  Ioni
"Wow, that's some bitterness."  GM
"And to think I was thinking about taking some dots for these guys." Kadon

"... any npc we have invested in, is an automatic cock fight." Mnemia
"Woooo cock..."  Ioni
"We'll worry about this later when I kill them."  Zuko

"Go back to the cult... we need more interns."  Mnemia
"No, I got an idea, we give them to Carjack (sp?).  Because they are so fucking stupid they will ruin all his plans."  Zuko

"If the next time Caleb's a smart ass, I'm taking a pinky."  Zuko
"Don't take a pinky, take his girl!" Mnemia
"Yes! I want his girl, as a trophy girl."  Ioni
"It's only fair if I get her." Kadon
"No no no, I get her.  Then I can train her to be a better whore." Ioni
"You're banging my girl, so I get to bang your girl?"  Mnemia
"This is all wrong logic..." Kadon
"And you people call these people damaged... wtf." GM
"Oh god, we are horrible people, and it is amaziiiiing."  Ioni

"I'm just going to go on record with the group and say... not my fault."  Kadon
"What were you supposed to have done that we didn't even think about in the beginning because GM was dropping hints that were unintelligible.."  Ioni
"possibly get married"  Kadon
"You got married?"  Ioni
"No, and that may be the mistake."  Ioni
"I'm so lost."  GM
"Kadon, I will just say, if this whole thing is because of you not properly plowing Nessa regularly....... I will kick your ass."  Zuko.
"Finally caught up with me, did ya?"  Kadon
"Dude, I have these whore houses, I could totally have you trained in the art of plowing..."  Ioni

"Dude hell hath no fury as a woman scorned."  Zuko
"Hell hath no fury as a woman who doesn't get an orgasm."  Ioni
"And, I can't marry you yet because I have an apocalypse to avert, only works for so long." Zuko
"It was legit!  Almost every time!  I created her the best vibrator in creation, I don't know whats wrong here!" Kadon

"I think we have been neglecting the one person who can fix all of our problems.  And now that I think about it, he's probably back at the other base...  Scotty isn't here right now, is he?" Zuko
"Scotty doesn't know."  GM
"It's true that Scotty doesn't know." Zuko

"Y'know in the back of my head, I can just hear GM going 'just check the fuckin' ship you fucking ass holes.'"  Zuko
"No, this is funny as hell to me.  I honestly don't care.  I'm only worried that Mnemia is getting bored because there isn't anything to punch yet."  GM
"There's interns."  Mnemia

"They're blind, I think we can tell them to stay put.  I don't think they can stab each other in the face."  Mnemia
"If such a suggestion is made, there will be some concern between them and the safety in their company." GM
"Well if they weren't such douches to each other all the goddamn time, it wouldn't be a problem.  Consider this a learning experience, now shut the fuck up."  Mnemia
"Niiice"  Kadon
"We are turning the cameras on in the room.  If anyone harms anyone else, we will find out and torture them for the next 25 years, before handing them over to the Malfeans."  Zuko
"Wow, you're really letting the inner Zorina out tonight."  GM

"When we can we're looking at a seminar or a team building experience where we put them out in the snow and they have to find a cabin, some kind of shit."  Mnemia
"Kadon, we're going to have to review your teaching manual.  Apparently you're creating psychopaths."  Ioni
"I've been trying to figure out what I've been doing wrong this whole time."  Kadon
"Not just psychopaths, pussy psychopaths."  Zuko
"You've had them for 2 years!" Mnemia

"Ring ring ring Necrophilia phone.... necrophilia phooone!" Zuko
"Probably is a second circle necrophil.... necromancy spell."  GM

"Well, I'm glad I fleshed out the interns. aren't you?"  GM
"Yep." Kadon
"Sounds more like Caleb has been fleshing out the interns."  Zuko
"And flushing them out."  Ioni
"And the bosses girlfriend too!" Mnemia

"If nobody is going to shake his hand, I want to shake his hand.  For the sole fact I wanna do a stupid."  Ioni
"It's the polite thing to do."  Kadon

"I'll shake the hand, and pull out the purel."  Ioni
"Shake his hand, drop back really fast and squirt squirt squirt.. rub rub rub..."  GM
Ioni dies laughing for 5 minutes
"Just so we are clear, shake his hand, drop back fast, squirt. squirt. squirt.. rub. rub rub...." Zuko

While Ioni is laughing and unable to breath so squeaking.....
"I think Ioni is dead....... those squeaks!" Zuko
"Might have to take a can of oxygen to her."  GM
"You killed Ioni!" Zuko
"There's the quote for the adventure log."  Mnemia
"What?" GM
"Squirt squirt squirt... rub rub rub."  Mnemia

"Oh my god, she has collapsed in the hallway outside my room."  Zuko

"Ioni, do I have to take you to the hospital?"  Zuko
"No.. why would you have to take me to the hospital?"  Ioni
"Because you were laughing so hard you weren't breathing and there might have been some brain damage."  Zuko
"As if that would make much of a difference for me."  Ioni

"Squirt squirt squirt, rub rub rub, I'm happy if you're happy...." Zuko paraphrasing GM's comments.

"The story teller was not prepared for Ioni-speak."  GM

"Her fate was to be beheaded by her first child and by those who had professed their love until the end." GM
"See?  This is why I sacrifice them on their first birthday." Mnemia
"Hard to argue with that."  Kadon
"Scarlet I got some bad news."  Zuko

"Isn't it funny, your name is Cyan and you're looking for a cyan box."  Mnemia
"That had not occurred to the Story Teller until now... also, fuck you."  GM

"There is a lovely wedding in the future that we would be happy for you to attend."  GM as Scarlet Empress' daughter
"Oh?  You're getting married?  Tell me what your dress is like." Ioni
"Oh jesus christ, woman.  There are times its cute, and there are times its just 'oh for fucks sake.'"  Zuko
"Please tell me that was in character."  GM

"I think finding out the date and time of the wedding is really useful if... y'know... someone hadn't fucking retarded all over it." Zuko
"I... agree.?"  Kadon
"You never asked for a competent social character.  you asked for a social character." Ioni
"Yes, I'm sorry but a part of conversation isn't going HEEEEEEFphhhlbt."  Zuko
Mnemia finds a video explaining...

"Out of character, I want her head, mounted on a fuckin' wall.  Preferably my wall so I can stare at it."  Ioni
"What the fuck has she done to you?"  Zuko
"I don't know, but I still want her head."  Ioni
"Yeah, I get that, but where did this vitriol come for someone who has done nothing but listen to your idiotic wedding rants."  Zuko

"Hey guess what the next two days are?!  Quiet game!!!!" GM on how to deal with indoctrinated cult members.

"The other two who have not drunk the koolaid as much, have had other distractions to keep them occupied.  namely each other."  GM
"Yeah, my girlfriend."  Kadon
"Apparently she does Kool-aid."  Ioni
"Some times I don't know if I'm dealing with a really powerful tactical mind, or if it just randomly rolls the dice and pushes the button."  GM

"This is an interesting pattern though.  ZIS sleeps around.  Nessa Sleeps around...  Haven't heard that Scarlet sleeps around, but pretty sure it's happening."  Mnemia

"As a general rule, I don't speak for people's performances.  They are allowed to roll the dice and let the dice speak for them."  GM
"Most dice cannot say oh baby oh baby give me more."  Ioni
"But the ones that can."  Kadon
"those you keep."  Ioni
"Somehow, Kadon has a wits of 2 and a stamina of 2.  Some how I don't think he's that great."  Zuko
"That's why you get the party done up front."   GM
"So he's a cunninglinguist."  Zuko
"Who will push the disconnect button first..."  GM
"He can craft anything!  If he can't do it, he'll craft it."  Ioni

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