Legend of the Five Rings

We have put Exalted on hold and some how someone talked me into GM'ing Legend of the Five Rings.  So now I get to deal with Scorpions, Crane and Phoenix characters running around and trying to westernize shit.

"Tamiko is rated E for everyone" Engeiko
"Shuga shuga shuga shuga shuga shuga" GM
"Does he have a cane with an 8ball on top" Engeiko
"No, but he has a dick and a little boy?" GM

"Toshiro, we should go for mani-pedi's tomorrow" GM
"I'm not sure I heard that right" Tamiko
"Okay, so I thought it was nice having a room mate who cooks and stuff, but... I may have to revise that"  Toshiro

"Saggy boobs, that's what we are looking for" Taro

"I guess you could throw her at the hag" Taro

"C'mon Tamiko, embrace your inner lesbian pedophile" Taro

"Are we allowed to surf?" Toshiro
"If you are a ninja, yes" GM
"Booo.... and I'm saying that because I saw what you did there."  Toshiro

"You pull out just in time" Engeiko

"So, how far away are the ____" [goblins.... srsly.... goblins... nothing to do with stars or anything]

"You piss off cookie monster he comes down and eats you" Taro
"Do not pull aggro on the Cookie Monster!" Toshiro

"I CAN KIDNAP THE BITCH" Taro regarding the Oracle of Void

"Poison the fish!" Taro
"Didn't you know?  Koi's whats for dinner" GM

"Secrets make baby jesus cry" Toshiro
"Good, I like it when baby Jesus cries" GM
"WHAT?" Toshiro
"Cuz his tears are a cheap source of wine... alcohol..." GM

"Pretty sure I should buy that for my grandparents before they disown me" Toshiro

"Anywho, back to jesus" Toshiro
"He is crying in a crib because a cow stepped on him" GM

"Do we fret over the time you spend grooming yourself?" Engeiko

"Engeiko, you get to play the slutty sister trying to steal the suitors... I'll be the over protective one" Toshiro

"Why is the phoenix in the hospital?" Taro
"He is getting his shots....  And a shampoo" GM
"The phoenix has worms" Taro

"So, kind samurai, how may I assist you."  GM in character
"wha...wait....us?" Toshiro after ribbing Tamiko via messenger.

"Never expect a small piglet attack..."  GM
"small piglet?  a p-chan reference" Toshiro


"Roll your filching!" GM
"did anyone else hear an 'e' in there?" Toshiro

Sometimes, you have to grapple a city.

"After dealing 400 points of damage in 4 seconds it's a mother fucking lumberjack." Mnemia

"I won't take damage if I fall, it's just a time waste."  Mnemia

"Hiya, I'm with exalts for the Ethical Treatment of Dragon Blooded.  Are there any Akuma here?" Kadon

"Is it Vahime?  Va... heem?  Vajime.. and Vegeta here.  Because we want to know his power level!" Zuko

"Well, I ask if she would step outside for a while" Kadon
"Would you like a muffin?" Ioni
"...That's a real muffin, right?  Cuz with all the pastry code words..." GM
"Yes, a real muffin.  With lots of ecstasy" Ioni

"I am having a school teacher day today." Kadon
"Does that mean you are going to discipline her?" Ioni
"Not until we are done here" Kadon

"This house needs an enema" Zuko

"Kadon is there anything you want... cuz fuckit, I'm done."  Zuko at any 'talky' time

"And what will happen?" Kadon
"Something that has not happened in 2000 years." GM
"You're getting laid?" Zuko
"You're pregnant?" Ioni

"My mistress wants me to ask you several questions and I have one of my own." GM
"The answer is no, you have a horrible sense of decor and you really need a gay person to help you."  Ioni

"It will take me forever to get back up here though." Zuko
"Were you going to ride him down to the bottom."  GM
"Yes" Zuko

"... Snapping him in half... Basically making him a parapallegic" Zuko
"Gee, you're nice" GM
"It's a test."  Zuko

"So I'm imagining this tower like any other tower.  Slightly phallic.  And now it's vibrating?" Ioni
"When you put it that way, I want to say no." GM
"Everybody get off!" Zuko
"I would like to probe the tower with Essence" Kadon

"What kind of metal?" Kadon
"You fuckers" GM
"Yes, for asking what kind of metal" Zuko

"I keep forgetting about _____.  Why don't you guys remind me?" Zuko
"Mhhrmhmrmrmrmhmrm" GM

"If you are going to use Megatron, at least use a good version of Megatron" Zuko

"Megatron is the worst General ever." Zuko

"And I would like to remind you, you are sitting on a couch and I am not." GM
"What does that have to do with anything?" Kadon

"So, Megatrons a she" Mnemia
"Yep" GM
"Megatrons a mega-bitch!" Ioni

"Go KADON!  You know everything" Ioni
"Go Zuko!  You know something" Zuko

"It's an essence faraday cage!" Zuko

"On flaming wings...." Kadon
"Flaming is right" Zuko
"What?" Kadon
"I said flaming is right because of the gay." Zuko

"How much is the arrow bothering him?" Kadon
"Well, its sticking out of his penis because that's all Ioni knows how to attack" Zuko

"So for the group that does seem to be getting their orders mixed up, you are kicking some ass" GM

"Mnemia will move to Zuko since he gets irritated when he's not being effective" Mnemia

"He's movin over to the edge" GM
"Jerkin' over the crowd" Zuko
"It's Ranin' men!" Ioni

"Kadon, I was unaware warstriders could rape" Zuko
"I installed some special hardware" Kadon

"What is his DV GM" Mnemia
"Working on it... RRRRRRR"GM

"I have six reflexive attacks stacked up." Zuko
"Cry me a river" GM

"Just to be fair, I want the record to show that Mnemia is using Defend Other against a building" Zuko

"Ioni will take the hat, slam it on her head, giggling.  Can I have a broom?  Wait, what kind of hat is this?" Ioni
"Sit down, NOW!" Kadon

"Kadon's mantra is - need more motes now." Zuko

"Mnemia, throw your girlfriend on top of the building" Zuko

"Can I grapple a city?" Zuko

"I swear to god, I am taking a dump in your shoes tonight." Zuko

"In our defense GM, the mountain of shit that means something but we don't know, is huge!" Zuko

"She found a trick to commune with lampposts" GM
"Yes!  We go pole dancing tonight!" Ioni
"Totally a better choice than Kadon" Zuko

"They are chasing water melons with baseball bats while blind folded" Kadon

It's an official Slut Off!

Gamma World:

"You have -1 to movement because you are lazy" GM
"You have -20 to credit checks" Gooey McSticky Pants

"Lashing creepers is what the women think about when he's in bed" Plant Man

"If you end your turn next to Oreo you take damage" GM
"24/7 PMS" Oreo

"I don't know what exactly was said, but I'd by a book by him" GM

"Don't want no lotion" Plant Man
"I would like to slap him on the ass before we leave" Gooey McSticky Pants
"The pot you mean" Plant Man

"I feel like my lips are too small for this glass"  Plant Man

"That donut dick you chugged" Plant Man
"I only ate the foreskin" GM
"Not her exact words" Plant Man

"Do you want spit or no spit?" Plant Man
"What orifice is your spit from?" GM

"I will attack him with vondarr the giant vulcanized dildo of justice!!" Gooey McSticky Pants
"Life is tender, vulcanize your member" GM

"What is the robot equivalent of bloodied?" Linguini
"Bloodied" GM
"Greasy" Linguini
"Oily" Gooey McSticky Pants

"I like black log...ers" Gooey McSticky Pants

"I'm concerned, I typed Roborectum into bing but a lot of the sites that came up have hamsters" Gooey McSticky Pants

"Oh god! that's what a hamster looks like after its been up a butt!" Gooey McSticky Pants

"We've all had a finger up our butts at least once" Gooey McSticky Pants
"What, a hamster?" Plant Man
"No, a finger" Gooey McSticky Pants

"It's the P-Team.... Pants plus plants!" Plant Man




Exalted:

"The mega shark jumps from the water to catch the flying fly" GM
"Oh I would give him such indigestion from the inside.  I doubt he could perfect dodge a kick to the pancreas" Zuko

"I have an angry weasel...... MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!"  Ioni

"I had to mute you cuz I was busy talking to people at my house" GM
"How many people are at your house?" Zuko
"Just the one" GM
"How many personalities are at your house?" Ioni
"Just the six" Kadon

"Heave to and you will not be harmed!" Kadon
"We have Candy" Zuko
"Giant Robot Candy... in the van" Ioni

"Every time we come up against something that changes mid-situation you always blame Gavin.  Why is that?" Ioni
"Ioni, you weren't here" Zuko
"Thank you Ioni!" GM

"I just assumed you'd ride Kadon" GM
"I wish you hadn't said that" Kadon

"You are abusing my ice weasel to use the word dapper" Ioni

"I'm sorry, say that again?  I'm having trouble hearing you over the sirens" GM
"Yeah, I'm busy killing grandma's over here" Ioni
"Stop that!" GM

"As you are wandering about doing whatever you do to keep moral up" GM
"Among other things" Ioni
"I'll give you a hing, it rhymes with ducking" Zuko

"Boobs make everything possible.  Ask your room mate!" Ioni
"That was at you GM" Zuko
"Uh no.  That's out of left field" GM
"Oh, just ask her!" Ioni

"Surprise pussy!" Kadon

"Gavin's eyes come up and meets Kadons" GM
"Oh no.." Kadon
"Wait... Do... I .... See....This...?" Zuko
"Yes" Galby
"Paralyzing touch! ON KADON!" Zuko
"Authority radiating stance!" Kadon
"Perfect mental defense! Paralyzing touch!" Zuko
"My slut honor has been tarnished!" Ioni

"Penis cozy" Kadon
"Penis warmer?  Penis chafing dish?" Zuko

"I put Gavin to shame!  I'll have you know that!" Ioni
"Huh?" GM
"He offended my slut honor!" Ioni

"I'm pretty close to being able to parry the God Spear" Mnemia

"Slut off! We need rules and regulations" Ioni
"Is it bad that the game designer in me wants to make that?  and participate in the beta?" Kadon
"I'll buy that when there is a gold version or a few patches" GM
"Patches? Like a cialis patch or a viagra patch?" Ioni

"You're not just wrong, you're made of wrong" Kadon

"I do have standards!" Gavin


"Gavin is going to go get lost in the back" GM
"With a sheep... and barbwire... and a cliff" Ioni


"Gavin will try to slip out the back" GM
"In the back, not out the back" Mnemia

"Yes, or I slice your dick off" Ioni getting irked
"I think I have some say in this" GM
"I'll have Zuko steal it?" Ioni
"Attached and attuned" GM
"I could tell him if he [Gavin] does this he won't earn the complete and utter ire of his future mother in law [Mnemia]" Ioni

"Any time Ioni uses the phrase cookie she means something else" Kadon
"It's just a little ecstasy.  There's a shit ton more in the muffins.  I didn't spike HER muffins"  Ioni

"I am going to go Kim Jong-Il if necessary" Ioni
"How are you not evil?" GM
"There are no alignments in this game" Mnemia
"Kim Jong-il should be an alignment" GM


"Gavin made out with Mnemia.  So, by context you have made out with Mnemia.  It follow that you should then also make out with Ioni" Zuko

"Who needs a relationship when the sex is decent?" Ioni.  Skype goes really quiet.
"There is a perfect woman comment in there" Kadon

"Anything is possible when you are a whore" Ioni

"Fine, I will eyeball his ear...balls"  Ioni

"What a bitch" Zuko
"Cuz she took over creation?" GM
"Without TELLING us!" Zuko

"The fact that there are guards there... makes this easier"  Zuko

"Kadons is bagels so the nuptials should be croissants" Zuko
"Why not pannini?" Ioni

"Ioni's a whore so is donuts.  Because she has a hole for everything" Zuko

"Listen up or pornography featuring your mother will not be the worst issue for you today" Kadon

Potential redundancies while catching up

"Kadon is crying twin waterfalls of sadness" Zuko

"I have this image of a giant whale appearing above the city and belly flopping into it" GM

"Just to be clear Ioni's skipping and pigtails already sends GM into the gutter" Zuko

"Zuko is desperately hiding out of sight so he doesn't shank the pelican" Zuko

"The pelican thinks the boat is rather odd and starts wandering over there" GM

"Mr. Pelican, can I get you some food?" Ioni

"When the Pelican eats your arm it will not be on us!" Kadon

"I have finally decided how to deal with you, Ioni. Leviathan thinks you're a child" GM

"A solar child to be educated and trained. He is going to kidnap you" Kadon

"Oh I'll educate him on the Kama Sutra" Ioni

"That's not the response one usually takes to a kidnapping" Kadon

"It's not mind whammy anymore - its vagina whammy." Ioni

"I don't think we want Ioni shaping societies" Kadon

"I'll just make a whole society of dominatrix's" Ioni

"Welcome to whore-vania" Zuko

"Its bigger than you and made of meat" Kadon

"If you are reading this, have candles lit tonight before going to bed" GM

"As a reminder GM, some of us are friends here and said don't buy the fucking condo" Zuko to the GM

"You are going to swoop in and take over like project runway" GM

"GM, why have you been watching project runway?" Ioni

"We do have a school in Nexus filled with impressionable minds" Kadon

"Ioni has higher standards. She goes after the dean not the college students" Kadon

"Yes, so says THE DEAN OF THE COLLEGE" Zuko

"She needs to warm up somewhere" Kadon

"Mnemia is an adult. She has made the choice not to be a decent human being" Mnemia

"Brain washing your kids is just called good parenting" Zuko

"You do need a license to carry concealed" Kadon about a giant mech

"And you could power up the arms for super spanking when they misbehave" Zuko regarding Mnemia's parenting skills.

"The monkey has an int of 4, why isn't he watching them? He is smart!" Zuko

"er than Zuko!" Kadon

"Monkies teaching about the muddy ramirez and dirty sanchez to children." Zuko

"As creepy as it is having Kadon handle Anna's breasts, I fully approve of this." Mnemia

"She is fully featured and educated in multiple techniques" Kadon regarding the new automaton.

"As a side note GM, what would it take to break into the Bureau of Secrets" Zuko

"This is the 2nd time the story teller coughed, might want to follow that up" Mnemia

"Hanta...[virus]" Zuko

"Yeah" Kadon (After GM tells us about his office having roaches and rats.)

"Kadon you're really smart and thats what I love about you, but if you don't explain your scrotum is going to wind up in the corner while you stand there" Zuko

Installation of the cosmic contact.

Gamma World Quotes:

"It's gender is Oreo" GM

"Its sexual preference is Oreo. Double Stuff?" Linguini

"Oh it'll be triple stuff when I am done with it" Oreo

"Here in Kumkwat Siesta we live a simple life of farming the cotton candy lima bean." GM

"How do you mispell lima bean?" GM

"Limba bean" Linguini

"Fuck it, they are limba beans!" GM

"Hello, I am with the Jesuit Priest Order here to spread the word about the Yellow Sponge Cake and Cream Filling God?" Oreo

"No no no! I want to roll these ones!" Linguini

'What the hell was that?" GM

"The next time I rolled d6 I wanted to use these cute ones" Linguini

"I like your sponge" Linguini

"Yeah baby!" GM

"It's textured for your pleasure" Oreo

"You are carrying my generator with 8 hours of fuel. *silence*.... Let me put it this way, you have a giant gas can on your back" Oreo

"I am going to SCIENCE THE GENERATOR!" Linguini

The gelatenous cube may die" Oreo

"Starting... to.... harden!" Linguini

"Not in a gay way, but in a jizz drizzling down your chin way" Gooey McSticky Pants

"If I already shoot out sticky goo, can I weild a dildo?"  Gooey McSticky Pants on his 2 handed melee weapon of choice.

"Can I throw vomiting puppies?" Gooey McSticky Pants

"How large are the puppies? St. Bernard puppies or little chihuahua puppies?" GM

"Oh, St. Bernard" Gooey McSticky Pants

"So, my name's Gooey McStickypants. He has a small fiber problem." Gooey McSticky Pants

"I shove Linguini's hand down his pants" Oreo

"You do so, and you light Linguini's hand on fire. Linguini will wake up with a burning sensation in his pants" GM

"I will say, yo home-slice whats happening? I am a black spider" Gooey McSticky Pants

"Brian needs very little practice with the sticky web" GM

Exalted Quotes:

"I am trying to decide how sad that is" Zuko

"I am pretty sure sadder things have happened, but not many" Kadon

"So just the computer/fap chamber is shared" Kadon

"They are towing your apartment" Kadon

"So its like Inception" Zuko

"I have not seen Inception yet" GM

"Neptune is like a tacticle Nuke - if she dreams of someone dying" Mnemia

"Will we have to larceny that one too?" Zuko on giving birth to a planet

"Whats GM looking up now?" Zuko

"The Clit" Ioni

"Its capable of swallowing people whole" GM

"For the record we made a clit joke" Zuko

"Fun fact if this creature eat you, you will wash up on the Blessed Isle" GM

"...Or someone stole it" GM

"Fuck you! for the record, I was doing good for once" Zuko

"I have a tiara of doom!" Ioni

"For the record, I am picking up swarm-culling instinct" Zuko

"Which does what in real life?" GM

"I will tell you later so you can cry" Zuko

"Right now, I'm calling him the Stranger" GM

"Stranger Danger!" Ioni

"Help, I need an adult!" Zuko

"I hate you guys" GM

"So he is what happens when you masturbate with the other hand" Zuko

"Does sex count as a join battle?" Zuko

"Only if its a virgin" Ioni

"If a lunar sleeps with a mouse of the unconquered sun what kind of child will they have?" Kadon

"Oh, I will have beef ribs for that. I will violate my no meat rule for that" Zuko

Best Idea ever! Katamari ball all the evil NPCs

"Kadon is crying twin waterfalls of sadness" Zuko

"I have this image of a great whale appearing above the city and belly flopping into it" GM

"Just to be clear, Ioni's skipping and pigtails already sends the GM into the gutter" Zuko

"Zuko is desperately hiding out of sigh so he doesn't shank the Pelican" Zuko

"The Pelican thinks the boat is rather odd and starts wandering over there" GM

"Mr. Pelican can I get you some food" Ioni immediately - the group starts cracking up.

"When the Pelican eats your arm, it will not be on us!" Kadon as Ioni continues to try and feed the Pelican which is really the Lunar Leviathan.

"I have finally decided how to deal with you, Ioni. Leviathan thinks you're a child." GM

"A solar child to be educated and trained. He is going to kidnap you" Kadon

"Oh, I'll educate him on the Kama Sutra" Ioni

"Thats not the response one usually takes to a kidnapping" Kadon

"If there are no ships to save, how would you like to save creation?" Zuko

"Well, since all my stuff is here...." GM

I get to teach a primordial morals

"In the past life, Zis was the old spice guy" Zuko

"I would just like to say, you're not getting paid for that anymore." Kadon

"I know, I will have to rethink my business. Maybe it's just free for the first year, then start charging on repeat customers." Ioni regarding her characters tendencies.

"I will teach the squirrel girls to bathe." Kadon

"Since they are squirrels, they do it with their tongues." Zuko

"So, her sin was that she had a jewish mother?" Zuko

"Do we need to round out the interns? Have Zuko with the ninja interns, Kadon with the craft interns, Mnemia with the warrior interns and Ioni with the whore interns." Mnemia

"I have an idea - I should take over my families business, teach all the employees to be whores as well, and change the slogan to 'Valencia Shipping, You Send It, We Fuck It and Deliver It'" Ioni

"You better hope you aren't into shipping livestock" GM

"Bestiality is Our Specialty.... just think of if it were woodchips. That would be painful, all those slivers." Ioni

"Where is the Florida of creation?" Kadon

"Oh god, thats terrible" Zuko

"I know, I tried to save it. But no." Kadon

"I am capable of dragging the living back by the neck..." Galby as Zis

"Cool cool... Grab your chain and we'll go fishing" Mnemia

"On an invisible boat. The image of a hook flying out of nowhere grabbing a necromancer and yanking him back. Zero to mach 1 in a second" GM

"I'm thinking I could boil down just the destiny interdiction field feature into jewelry... a wedding ring maybe, just for irony's sake?" Kadon

"That would be hilarious" Ioni

"Chastity Belt" Mnemia

"Oh hell no, then ioni couldn't whore it up. I have an idea - but not so politically correct." Ioni

"Crit piercing? Crit = clit" Mnemia

"With this giant lens we can almost see Kadon's penis" Zuko

"....From Orbit" Kadon

"There isn't an orbit here... silly Kadon" Zuko

"If you can get a primordial to switch teams, that is a feat" Kadon

"Hey guys! I just had a thought! She might know how to play this magic the gathering game we stole!" Zuko

I HAVE A WEASEL!

"Sneaky stuff, which means Zuko must do it all." Mnemia

"At the moment, we have a fuckacolypse" Menmia

"It's a reflexive charm" Zuko

"He flurried it" Kadon

"Bitch" Zuko

"They are probably flying Valencia colors. We are not that retarded" Zuko

"Wait wait ..... say that again?" Mnemia

"I don't want one position, I want ALL POSITIONS!" Kadon

"GM would never hurt the hot librarian" Zuko

"Well, GM has specific fantasies of a librarian" Zuko

"In a coma.... so she just lies there" Ioni
"Just sayin'!!! SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Zuko

"How do you guy proceed in Diamond Hearth" GM

"Start handing out condoms to all the librarians" Ioni

Regarding a video game and how good it was, with the response that no gamer wants to admit to-

"No" Mnemia immediately
"Tolerable" Zuko hot on his heels

"So no on the first age city" GM
"Yes on the First Age army!" Ioni

"Thats why I cam home early last night. I didn't want to babysit" Zuko

"I'm making consolation prizes" Kadon

"Why do I get the feeling we sent them to a meat grinder?" Ioni

"I point to Mnemia" ____?

"Kadon has successfully shaved his chesthair into Cthulu" Zuko

"And now I will lead you to the dildonator" Zuko

"24 damage on 67 dice is lame" Mnemia

"Are you going to cleave?" Ioni

"Teleportation via mook" Zuko

"Let's leave Zis and the weasel to guard them!" Zuko
"If we leave them, the cultists will be dead!" Mnemia
"That's the point" Ioni

In the midst of a hawaii trip reminiscing by Kadon
"Did you do the Hula?" Ioni

"Okay, we're done here" Kadon

"I talk to the weasel and tell it about the benefits of being a vegetarian" Zuko

"When you last saw him, he was not a slave" GM
"ITS GAVIN!" Zuko, way too happy
"No...." GM

"Maybe we should listen to see how twisted this bitch is" Zuko while Ioni had to in character do a discussion with a slaver

"Which bitch?" Ioni
"Ioni!" Zuko

"He hates houses" Mnemia on Zuko dealing 58 points of damage to a house

"We just left the ocean, why the fuck would you need a pool?" Zuko

"Cooling off the weasel" Ioni

"Oh, the ice that you serve with the drinks sometimes has white fuzz on it" GM

No bureaucracy? No problem!

"We don't have bureaucracy" Kadon

"No, I do the Clerk and get in" Ioni

"that is the sound of my fork on my plate" Kadon

"What were you forking?" Zuko

"Magic Missile! Magic goes in, blood comes out!" GM

"For some reason that word refuses to leap off my tongue" GM

"Galby does have problems getting prophylactic off his tongue" Zuko

"Fuck you, sir" GM

"All you have to do is fuck Zis. Hell, Kadon tripped and fucked her. " Zuko

"time travel may have been involved" Kadon

"General tentacle count?" Kadon

"5-6 tentacles worth" GM

"Boy that looks like a lot of work. *sip*" Zuko on the Envy.

"For the record, this demon now sounds like Dobby in my mind" Zuko

"Mistress must not go to HOGWARTS!" Kaodn

"Can you imagine how Tom Riddle would have been different?" Kadon on the subject of Tom Riddle getting laid in school.

"So what makes you think you don't need to go through our trial?" GM

"Because we are better than the rest" Kadon

"I VOTE NO!" Zuko on going to Malfius.

"Make that mic your bitch." Ioni after someones mic kept being harassed.

"Hypnotic Tongue Technique. I think that works on animals." Kadon

"I am not hypnotic tongueing a demon puppy!" Ioni

"I'll peek around the door..." Ioni then gets Kadon telling her exactly how to cause a guy to stop thinking and start obeying the downstairs brain.

"Okay, I have an all pro understanding of what would work on me" Kadon

"Remind me what your essence sight range is?" GM

"Yes. [maniacal cackling] It does not have a range, it just gives me essence sight on all I see" Kadon

"Drink my beer! Cuz it will get you drunk!" Zuko

"You got a boat of people looking at you, and Zis just screams 'CROWD SURF!' then jumps into them." GM

Cannibal Boat

"To put it another way, the actual size of my penis is bigger than it looks. " Kadon

"What are you doing with the regenerating body?" GM

"Put it on the Cannibal ship. A constant source of food.... a Sustainable food source!" Ioni

"No. I am going to write a note on the body to call it Menchi" Kadon

"I'm going to reformat the cannibals." Kadon

"Into pepperoni pizza?" Ioni

"Are you going to eat the cannibals?" Mnemia

"No, I was going to feed it to Zuko." Ioni

"But he doesn't eat meat" ____?

"Okay, mushroom pizza" Ioni

"Does that violate his flaw?" Mnemia?

"...The sexual USB converter. I'm not sure what to call it" Ioni

"The Universal Serial Booty-call" Kadon

"You can hold the tiara if you put on a pink frilly dress and have tea with the teddy bears" Ioni

"Whose side are you on?" Mnemia

"I'm sorry, I spent the last 24 hours around Zuko. He rubbed off on me." Ioni

"I do not want to hear about Zuko rubbing one off on you." Kadon

"That sounds like something Mnemia wants to do. Cop a feel of Mars' ass." Mnemia

"Does anyone else think its wrong that we're impregnating a comatose girl?" Mnemia

"I'm getting flashbacks to Kill Bill" Ioni

"Well lets practice. Are you a god?" Kadon

"Yes" Ioni

"Good answer" Kadon

"Wait wait wait... GM did you just tell us that the Galactic Prophilactic will allow us to do fly by shit bombings... Oh you should not have done that" Zuko

"Let me see, you had the bare bones of existence and you made pizza." Zuko

"Yes, and a new solar system. And some money." Kadon

"Yar mateys, t'was a good day of hunting the mammoth beast! Let us go to the Pink Mammoth to celebrate!" Zuko

"they drift into you [Ioni]" GM

"Wow, you really are a whore." Zuko

"I charge them for parking." Ioni

"He introduces himself as Cap't Cutler.. and this is.." GM

"Oprah!" Zuko

"Well, I was going to say Miss Black, but that seems racist now." GM

....

"I was partial to Miss Oginy, myself" Zuko

"How did you come to get onto our ship?" GM as an NPC

"Generally when you go from point A to point B. Point B can be on a ship." Ioni in character.

*Silent*

"What?" Kadon voicing for the group.

"Generally at this point in an Anime, I would rewind to try and decipher the subtitles to figure out what the hell it means" Kadon

"I come with subtitles?" Ioni

"YOU SHOULD!" the group.

"This is a perfect dodge charm! Learn it! Love it! Master it." Kadon

"I forgot where we were..." GM

"Lollipop... how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center?" Ioni

"Ahh yes, dragon blooded.... and interns." GM

"Captain Firewater." GM

"Really? there are so many jokes with that." Ioni

"Well Fire and water aspect..." GM

"Firewater is also alcohol and Ioni would love to drink that down right now" Ioni

"such a whore..." Zuko

Late post....

"You are just in love with that giant phallic thing" GM

"Set your fists to stun" Kadon

"Kadon, you better be making a pina colada! A Bahama Mama?" Zuko

"No, he's making an appletini!" Ioni

"Pinky's out!" Zuko

"We are in the Wylde, stop taking drugs!" Kadon

"Get to the child, come with me if you want to live." Someone in a bad Schwarzeneggar Pedo-bear voice

"She is in the kind of combat she can't feign death from. Social Combat!" Ioni

"Yeah, that's what she's doing... riiiight" Kadon

"Put on a hawaiian shirt and a lay and do the hula!" Ioni

"Three different rooms.... A, B, C and D" GM

""Perception and Awareness! You are down an Ioni again!" GM

"AGAIN?" Kadon and Zuko

"This guy is an inch and half long. He's cute" Kadon

"Put your pants back on" Zuko

"We can use the web without the iphone!" Ioni

"This is to bring a maiden back to life" GM

"Like bring a full maiden back, or a partial" Ioni

"Is it a hymen repair kit?!" Zuko

"There are definitions of fixed where fixed means stolen." Kadon

Scotty Doesn't Know

"you wake up with a chip that says Four Weeks Sober" - Zuko

"Four weeks without cheating" Kadon

"Four week Celebacy chip" Ioni

"I wouldn't go that far" Kadon

"Four weeks without Herpes!" Zuko

"You could throw the war strider at things" Zuko

"Oh the small little things" Kadon

"I'm a little ashamed that I didn't think of that first" Mnemia

"I know physics takes a back seat in this game, but.... " GM

"This creation will have hookers and blackjack. Forget the blackjack..... and creation" Zuko

Upon finding the name of a ship is The Drunken Whore - "Ioni, your brothers know you so well" Kadon

"I want to tar and feather someone" Ioni

"God you have strange hobbies" Kadon

"Them boys is misticated!" Kadon

"Scotty will not like you" GM

"Scotty doesn't know" Ioni

"Excuse me, did you just say Scotty doesn't know?" Kadon

"yes" Ioni

"I fully endorse this, even though that song will be stuck in my head for days" Kadon

"When we take over this ship I want to name it Galactic Prophilactic" Zuko

"Kadon, I found smarty smart bits." Zuko

"You couldn't find your smarty smart bits with both hands and a flashlight." Kadon

"Yeah, but your mom could!" Zuko

"YOU ARE THE WORST PARTY FACE EVER!" Zuko to Ioni after her demeaning rant to the villain.

Upon a villain sending a messenger to indoctrinate them.

"I call dibs on castration them.... wait, wrong verb tense... castrating." Ioni

"I second Zuko here, WORST PARTY FACE EVER!" Kadon

"Why don't we have Ioni ask nicely?" Zuko

"That is not your cue to sleep with them." Kadon

"10 dice, double botch, but luckily, six successes" Zuko

"I'd like to fuck your buckets" Zuko to Kadon

heroes fail resolve

"yes, paying to have your computer acquire sentience. When judgement day happens, I'm blaming YOU, GM." Zuko

"Essence stealing... dildos.." Zuko

"Its like a re-charger, only its not" Kadon

"Wait, just so I have this right, he is after Ioni with Kadon as a runner up." Mnemia

"To be fair, Kadon does have the male equivalent of the sexy librarian." Zuko

"As you're going back, you notice 2 seperate things" GM

"Okay, how many diseases does he have and is it syphillis? Oh well, I'll go suck on Scarlet for a while." Ioni

"Hah! Hey Zuko, I did a dirty man last night, can I go suck on your wife for a bit?" Mnemia

Mnemia v. Zuko..... who wins?

"Okay I'm generating a random name for this guy... Ashfinger" -- GM

"AssFinger it is." --Zuko

"No that's not what I-" --GM

"AssFinger GM, It's happening. Accept it"--Zuko

"Seriously, How did you NOT see this coming?" -- Mnemia

"that is tiny! We could nuke this easily" Zuko regarding destruction of a portion of nexus

"And that, for those of you at home, was a can opener" Kadon

"I was busy stealing the sun!" Zuko

"That is no excuse for shoddy security" Kadon

"You didn't know the ash to ass ratio?" Ioni

"Damn you" GM

"Cuz that pokemon hunter really gets the girls" Zuko

"So, you're saying thorn-dokken?" Zuko

"So he threw a tumbleweed?" Mnemia

"Zuko will ask Mnemia, do we want any alive?" Zuko

"I don't do alive very well." Mnemia

"Oh FFS.... You're an ass... I don't get to kill ANYTHING!" Zuko

"Did someone just zip up their pants by the mic?" GM

"See, I just don't do good when they are supposed to live through the process" Mnemia

Training wheels

"Your internet has training wheels" Zuko

"Harley Quinn is NOT a clown" Kadon

"Wow, there's some anger there. Now I'm picturing Kadon and the Joker going at each other." Gm

"Some ones kitty is getting very excited" GM

"No, I'm pretty sure he is getting visions." Kadon

'The Bazooka does bashing damage" Mnemia

"You combo'd? Against mortals?" Zuko

"I wanted to make sure they went down!" Mnemia

"28 points of damage doesn't seem like pulling a blow" GM

"No, its just making sure" Mnemia

"what is that humming noise?" GM

"Is everyone here?" Zuko

"Yup!" Mnemia

"It's Kadon! Did he fall asleep? Oh fuck it, I'm calling him" Zuko

"I will strap Kadon to my back like a Yoda if I must." Zuko

"And by the way, I am not above teleporting my ass to safety and leaving Kadon there" Zuko

"What are you feeding it?" Zuko

"You have a dozen stealth charms! Use them!" Kadon

"I wanna go by the rules!" Zuko

"In fact, she's asked the cook to make her some popcorn to listen to the radio show" GM

"Is this the Look-shy Home Companion" Kadon

"Listen to Lake Lookshy-begone, where the men are all dragon-blooded, the women are crazy and the children all drive mech-warriors" Zuko

Isle of Women.......

"So I have something in my hand right now that should be in your game." GM

"Not your penis." Zuko

"There is a lot that I have not watched" GM

"Like vaginas?" Zuko

"I think we called it, People Not To Put Your Penis In. A Guide against syphillus and ghonorhea" Kadon

"WALLS!!!!" Kadon

"WALLS I CAN SEE THROUGH!" Zuko

"We just throw apples at Mnemia and collect the slices" Zuko

"you get a raised eyebrow of 'the men are talking again' look" GM

"Well at least Zuko looks like a girl" Kadon

"Zuko says this while he has Kadon's underwear in his hand" Mnemia

"Actually they are back on Kadon's head now" Zuko

"They are looking at you in astonishment, especially with such a large unweildy weapon." GM

"Oh no, I'm not sleeping with her" Zuko

"Okay, this is why Zuko does to show them why Mnemia keeps him around. He drops his pants" Mnemia

"No.... no. As the ONLY one here who is married, I am not going to show my junk. Not unless I bust out a few martial arts moves and jpaff them all." Zuko

"What the hell is a flux capacitor and why does it go in the cake?" Zuko

"Not in the cake, ON the cake" Kadon

"What he is really trying to do is make a cake that is done before you make it!" Zuko

"So she is stalking him.." Kadon

"Nothing can go wrong!" Zuko

"I got an 8 foot spear and that boy ain't 8 foot tall" Mnemia

"I'll pull up a chair and sit next to him" Kadon

"Technically you have a dirt floor." GM

"Pull up an Ioni..." Zuko

"F you!" Ioni

"The god of undertow in churoskuro is Cameltoe" Kadon

"Attention Locals! This giant robot has come for your children!" GM

"Michael Jackson?" Kadon

"Water Dragon! Wet Falcor" Zuko

Girl Power!

"Hey GM! What's the roll to make a woman switch teams?" Zuko

"She's just not mega attractive, you just want to hump it" Zuko on Unearthly Beauty

"I will never look at snakes as anything other than penis'" Kadon

"Sydney had a little Zuko

Little Zuko

Little Zuko...

Sydney had a little Zuko that followed her to school one day.

It followed her to school one day

school one day

school one day

Which was against the Rules." Zuko singing to Mary had a little lamb.

"hold on, there is a strange noise here." GM

"Its probably just the cat" Ioni

"Yes, I don't think he realizes all the strange noises cats make." Zuko

"She will also inquire as to how you change the big giant bulb in the sky and where you keep the extras" GM

"In my boat!" Zuko

"So, what martial arts notes does she have?" Zuko

"Well, its a new alchemical that will..." GM

"BORING!" Zuko

"Shut up! - Whose side are you on?" Zuko

"I'm on the side that I still do more damage than you." Mnemia

"Shut up!" Zuko

"I start trying to disable the ice machine" Ioni

"Oh I will end you, bitch" Zuko

"Its not incest when you're not really brother and sister, as gods... and ... propagation.... and... yeah...." Ioni

"What is this an anime? Any thin excuse will do? She's uh... his... uhm.... step sister?" Kadon

"What happens if you touch her? what if that spreads her herpes?" Ioni

"Technically she's been looking for" GM

"your penis" Zuko

"Take an XP for that Evan" GM

"Wait, why is Bess laughing? I'm like, what did I say?" GM

"Fucking Kadon is an ordeal!" Mnemia

"Except Kadon would have a pet name for his dick. "Mighty Sextant" or "Orgasmic Abacus"" Zuko

"The Might Sextant is the form weapon for Orgasmic Abacus Style, and attacks with it count as Unprotected for all purposes. Charms include: Protracted Climax Technique, Equipement Measuring Method, Orgasmic Abacus Form, Economic Stimulous Prana and Climax ++. Thousand-fold Tiny Warrior Ejaculation, Barrier Shattering Penetration, All-Ecumpasing Shower of Life, Fluid Dynamics Prana." Kadon

"Tantric Methodology Technique" Zuko

"Length Increasing Exercise" Kadon

"Girth Increasing Exercise is better" Zuko

"OMFG the porn bots are going to be camping my blog!" Ioni

"Ow...." GM

"And Galby - Ow IS what SHE said" Ioni

"Insatiable Bridegrooms Spirit" Zuko

"Unconquere Demigod Fornication, Bad-Touch Technique, Throbbing elements Prana, Divided Fundament Approach, Calculated Blow Technique Member Multiplying Method." Kadon

"Too-Old Pedobear Declaration" Zuko

"Did we use the afterbirth in Kadons armor?" Kadon

".....EWWWWWWWW" Ioni

And yet more craziness :

Kadon: Need Anihilating Master's Satisfaction, Pelvis Splitting Stroke, Light Speed Reciprication Strike, Overwhelming Master-Stroke Technique

Zuko: Roffalin Pacification Prana

Mnemia: I see nothing involving alligators and rape. Come on Dash

Zuko: Genital Empowerment Focus, Bedspring Annihilating Symphony

Exalted ones UNITE!!! omg - I'm in a clandestine group!

"And you, Ioni, you will find yourself where you find yourself when you find yourself... when you find yourself"  The GM

"Is that an attention stealing jewel or are you just happy to see me" Kadon

"PEDO FORM! Pedo bear pops out" Zuko

"For once, can we got a manse where everything is in working order? I mean hey, you're making my craft charms look pretty good but yyeyeeeesh" Kadon

"I think that plan I had, I was most certainly going to act like a pussy" Kadon

"You know if Carmen sandiego tied a ribbon on your cock, I might have played the games longer as a child"  Zuko

"you probably used up all your essence and were being held up as a human bug zapper" GM

"I extend my rock hard flute" Zuko

"If the next room isn't three lines of hooker bots... c'mon" Zuko

"He was showering with the SWORD? Was it clenched in his butt cheeks?" Zuko

"Oh when we get done here, the girls are getting the talk" Mnemia

"Well they are five! They are still in the stage that boys have cooties!" GM

"I know, and they are going to stay that way" Mnemia

"Ok Ioni, feel free to lick the Envy as much as you want" GM

"Oh no you will not! I will have Mnemia pimp slap you if you try" Zuko

"alright Kadon, if you don't have the balls to read this book right now, I'll understand. I know its full of words... and Ooooooooo scary, but still. Whats with these knives?" Zuko

"Squirrels for everyone!" Kadon

"And Harlotry is put out of business" GM