The God of Intoxication will hold you to your vows.

"What's new with y'all." Sanbi
"HOUSEHUNTING!  Where's Evan?" GM
"Not my day to watch him." Sanbi
"But its the weekend, you're supposed to watch him on the weekends for me, Sanbi." GM
"I was not made aware of this arrangement -" Sanbi
"You agreed to it when you were a keg." GM

"Sometimes I hate social media." Sanbi
"Why?" GM
"So my brother in law made a post about my niece using the toilet and it has sixteen likes." Sanbi
"Is it her first time using the toilet?" Hachiro
"Apparently [..]  It's not unexpected or surprising, it just makes me hate social media." Sanbi

"You didn't have a lot of geek cred to begin with, Hachiro, but it's all lost now." Kazuko
"What?  Over Monaco?" Hachiro
"Monaco has been in discussion in the gaming community for over two years now." Kazuko

"I was sorting through my downloads and I came across that fucking picture Sanbi did.  I was a little annoyed it was still on my hard drive."  Hachiro
"Thank you for reminding me." GM
"We will not speak of it."  Danzomaru
"A little passive aggressive there, Hachiro.  That was nice, well played." Kazuko

"I applaud you for your tenacity."GM
"I don't know as the GM you want to encourage that behavior." Kazuko
"It's Danzomaru.  If I discourage it it basically acts as encouragement.  If I do nothing about it, it acts as encouragement. If I encourage him, it acts as encouragement.  There is no way I can possibly do anything that I won't regret." GM
"I'm like a constant sense of 'god dammit.'" Danzomaru
"What would you do, Kazuko?"  GM
"There are steering mechanisms..." Danzomaru
"Yeah.  I'm not going to give away trade secrets just yet." Kazuko
"Really the only one that Kazuko came up with at work, was the StormBlades." Danzomaru
"StormBlades are awesome." Kazuko

"Fuckin' StormBlades." Danzomaru
"Group of NPCs that did some kill stealing in a level one adventure, and got the PCs to hunt them to the ends of the Earth for like 15 levels."  Kazuko
"Literally all we cared about were where those fuckers went.  Spreading disinformation about their leader being riddled with syphilis, and a total whore." Danzomaru
"Well she was." Sanbi
"Not so much - " Kazuko
"Just going down to town and also that led to our invention of a different name of our merry band everywhere we went because we had to make it seem like different groups knew this information."  Danzomaru
"Well it sounds like they had more to be pissed off at you than -" Hachiro
"Oh no, totally! Uhh so, we were the Beast Helm Brigade... The Mighty Three, though there were six of us.  And then I forget some of the other fucked up names that we came up with were."  Danzomaru
"I don't recall either. It was a campaign of... The character destruction campaign was pretty significant."  Kazuko
"As I recall we invested capital in ruining them.  To the point, as I recall, as a side mission for funsies before Sanbi took over, Kazuko had the king summon us in order to fight it out with their group because he got sick and tired of dealing with the bullshit." Danzomaru
"All these guys did was steal your kills?" Hachiro
"That was the best part.  In the first combat.  It was the Scales of War Campaign or whatever.  And it starts out that you're in a city, it's on fire and there are a bunch of orcs and fighters.  And we fought, and there were like three of us, all defenders because we were smart.  And we were getting our asses kicked but we managed to survive.  And we were fighting the final boss, doing pretty well when this group of four mercenaries comes in, Kill Steals, takes all the credit and is heralded as heroes.  And we were like 'oh fuck no, this is not how this is starting out.'  So, Sanbi joined up a little after that and we explained it to him, 'No, the Storm Blades are assholes. We hate them, they all have syphilis.'  Because the leader, whatever the fuck her name is, sleeps with all of them and gives them her hell herpes." Danzomaru
"Wow...." Hachiro
"Then they made Dio go down into a shitter, to look for treasure and he almost drowned." Danzomaru
"This should be turned into a web comic." Hachiro
"Hehehe... This was after the Squirrel Incident." Sanbi
"Wait, Squirrel Incident?" GM
"Right, I forgot!" Kazuko
"All I'm saying is should come to the game on time." Sanbi
"I'm pretty sure kicking Dio down the shitter happened in the first dungeon." Kazuko
"Oh yeah - " Sanbi
"The Squirrel Incident was in a later dungeon." Kazuko

"The first dungeon was where they threw you the glowing coin while you were stealthing." Kazuko
"Right!" Sanbi
"That was the Mushroom Dungeon." Danzomaru

"Was the third dungeon the one we rolled through as one encounter because we didn't want to get rid of the flaming sphere?" Danzomaru
"I believe that was.. It was either the third one of the second half of the second one." Sanbi
"That was the one also with Intrudersssss Conssssssume Them!" Danzomaru
"No that was back in the first one again." Kazuko
"That was in the third to the last room of the first one." Sanbi
"The first one also had the Scrying Pools of Urine." Kazuko
"The Vecna - "
"What the fuck." Hachiro
"The room full of Vecna's was the first dungeon as well." Kazuko
"There's twelve Vecna's!!" Danzomaru
"There were three! Quiet you!  I may have no Religion training, but I can still count." Sanbi

"By Squirrel Incident we mean, he has a squirrel... A Dead Squirrel he had fucked to death under his Wizard Hat.  That he took with him." Sanbi
"This was something he came up with? Or you came up with?-" Hachiro
"No no - " Danzomaru
"As we said, you should come to the game on time.  He didn't come to the game on time." Sanbi
"He didn't come to the game on time.  He was accused of staying at the back of the party and not participating and fucking a squirrel to death.  He didn't respond.  When he showed up and we told him he fucked a squirrel to death, his response was to mount it in his hat."  Kazuko
"Wait, fuck it in his hat or just mount it on his hat..-" GM
"No, once it was dead, he went all Taxedermy on it and shit and mounted it on his - " Kazuko
"Yeah it's frozen in a state of horror, shame and disappointment." Danzomaru
"Wow... that's.... yeah-" Hachiro
"Like I keep saying, don't show up late to the Sunday Games too much." Danzomaru

"I think he thought he was going along with it and it would stop us from making fun of him about it. He was wrong.  No body stops this group of assholes."  Danzomaru

"Kick him in the nuts as hard as you can and ask him to answer the question again." Kazuko

"VISIONS!" GM
"Actually in this case she is upset she can't get into the cupboard."  Kazuko
"Is that where the food is?" Danzomaru
"It's where the pans are." Kazuko
"And why would she want the pans?" GM
"Fuck if I know." Kazuko
"Do not question the will of the cat." Hachiro
"Glad you're here to explain cats to us, Hachiro." Danzomaru

"Sorry, Hachiro, but your one year with cats is not enough to throw down street cred with cats.  I'm pretty sure your one year is one twentieth the amount of time I've spent with cats."  Danzomaru
"It doesn't mean I don't have some knowledge." Hachiro
"It's like you got to second base once...." Danzomaru

"Is the Shugenja asleep through all of this?" Hachiro
"Yep, with a ferret in each ear." GM
"My foot wakes him up!" Hachiro

"A Crab tells you to go fuck yourself before a battle, it's like saying hello." Kazuko

"What did he do to his computer?" GM
"The Data Kami are angry with him." Sanbi
"He obviously needs to do a blood sacrifice.  No more spunk sacrifice." GM
"Oh god..." Sanbi

"Question, even if you know where to go to find her directly, what will you do when you meet the shugenja of such power directly?" Hachiro
"Kill it." Danzomaru and GM
"Uhh, probably the wise thing to do, is find out where she is, get embroiled in side plots, go to the Second City, get all the ass kickers we can find, and then...  go pay her a fuckin' visit."  Sanbi
"Kill it." Danzomaru

"I just want to point out for the record that it was Hachiro talking to people that did this." Danzomaru
"Fuck you too, sir." Hachiro

"A journal that reads 'Secrets of the Secret Cult that we shouldn't tell the Samurai about'?" Sanbi

"We need to invoke the 'Not Idiot Clause' more often."  Kazuko

"Sanbi, you're an expert, find us a Hoochi." Danzomaru
"That is not a phrase I have heard often in my life." Sanbi
"'You're the expert'?" Danzomaru

"If he had seen and like those and he had never seen Aliens or fuckin' Star Trek-" Danzomaru
"Then he's been denied good..-" Hachiro
"No, no..  He's not allowed to use his penis anymore." Danzomaru
"He's seen Star Trek." GM
"I am without words.  Danzomaru's regulation of your cock use is -" Sanbi
"Justified!" Danzomaru
"... There are numerous adjectives really.  I just don't know where to start." Sanbi

"I have neither watched nor read Twilight.  Of course I have seen Aliens.  I was making my stunned 'how could you think I haven't seen Aliens' face." Sanbi
"Here's the thing about Skype, buddy - " Danzomaru
"We can't see your face!" GM
"You can't see all the times I moon you guys during a game." Danzomaru
"That's why he keeps his door closed." GM
"That and the rampant masturbation." Danzomaru
"Yeah, that's not always the toilet flushing in his room." GM
"Uhh." Sanbi
"What the fuck else do I have that would make that noise!?  Like are you saying I have my own personal spunk toilet sitting next to my computer?!  I mean, what the fuck!  As I climax ... wkshhhhhhh" Danzomaru

"I assume Kazuko made it angry in the first place." Hachiro
"What did I do?!" Kazuko
"You made fun of the gerbil!" Hachiro
"Your gerbil was being a dick.  You make that gerbil respect your authoritah.  Start hitting the side of your computer with a stick, that will fix it." Kazuko
"If I remember the news report correctly from the other day, you should wrap it in duct tape so that the eyes don't bug out as much. Or something like that." Sanbi
"What news report did you watch!?" Hachiro

[Five minutes spent on who is dressed nicer..]
"FUCKING HELL JUST ROLL A DIE ALREADY!  Did we really just spend five minutes discussion who was better dressed?" Danzomaru
"Yep." Sanbi

"The gerbil is rolling around in the ash again, go get it!" Kazuko

"Basically pull the we are the batman, don't come near us.  Tell your friends about us." Hachiro

"Danzomaru walks through the bazaar with a head on a pike."  GM
"Given that I'm the only one with a pike.." Sanbi
"Oh I'll just borrow it for a while." Danzomaru
"And the foxes lick the pike clean after." GM
"So much innuendo." Hachiro

"I'm not saying that, cuz it'd be like 'so fuck your mother, by the way....'" Danzomaru

"Spot check smell!" GM
"No thank you!  They eat a lot of curry don't they." Danzomaru

"It is easy to find a place.  Super easy.  There are whores outside specifically for Mantis." GM
"Hooray whores!" Danzomaru
"For Mantis?" Hachiro
"Well the whores for crab have to really sturdy..." GM
"Lets just say they all have their sea legs." Sanbi

"There have been a few times in this session where I feel like we're not the good guys."  Hachiro
"Not the good guys like us? Or not the good guys in character? Cuz we as players are not the good guys.  We don't do good guys well." Kazuko

"You keep saying all these words, but all I hear is 'la la la la la... I want somebody to hit me with an axe.'" Danzomaru