Friday, February 01, 2013

When it comes..... yeah.

After the game starts late. "As long as progress was made, that's ok." Ioni "What? Progress? You guys haven't figured this shit out yet? Thought we were close." Mnemia "Did you complete it?" Ioni "No." Kadon "Just a warning, I will have to take the occassional break more often because I feel as if I am fighting off the plague, and one of the things I am trying to do is drink plenty of fluids and orange juice so my throat does not become sore from talking to you folks." GM "So what you're saying is you're going to have to piss more and you're not gonna take us into the bathroom with you." Ioni "That I had also considered. Also and uh..." GM "Why don't you not say anything, and we'll run the game. We got this, right guys?" Mnemia "Yeah, totally." Ioni "Uh huh. Also, once again, no on the fucking calendar." GM "Aw, why not." Ioni "Because there are things one cannot unsee, and I do not need to make the game of Cthulu a real live place." GM "Oh, we found that the other day!" Ioni "Well the man is mostly tentacles. Just no, Ioni. If I want to destroy someon's brain, I would give you 50 bucks and unleash you on them, which I'm sure will be an act of mutual destruction." GM "So, I don't see any options to get a customized 365 Calendar, but we can customize a 12 month for about 13 bucks." Mnemia "Awesome!" Ioni "Et tu, Mnemia?" GM "We need to find 12 most potent images possible." Mnemia "What's the gneral category here? Are we going for anime? Tentacle? Gay? Straight? Lesbian? Transgendered?" Ioni "I don't know why we have to limit ourselves." Mnemia "It's just that on each of them I can find 15, 20 or 35 images for each category." Ioni "Bestiality seems to set him off quite a bit. Marine bestiality in particular. That might be the way to go." Mnemia "Mnemia, is this because you had to chase after your children? Or because I got you pregnant?" GM "There was something on Kotaku yesterday, about giraffe furry porn. Like 69ing giraffes. Apparently they are very flexible." Kadon "Right. Who needs to die in a fire." GM "Oh, suddenly glad I am not moving to Seattle." GM "Oh then we'd just get you a banner." Ioni "Shower curtain? Shower curtain with some dolphin raping somebody. See that every time he gets naked and wet." Mnemia "Well it could all just be in text, so that every time he takes a shower he gets to read about it and the images are just implanted in his head." Ioni "I feel like I have been run over multiple times by a steam roller." GM "You do know it's not cool to play in a construction zone." Ioni "Yeah, no. That's probably the first mistake." GM "They are all still marked as Creatures of Darkness,[...] but they can now all see." GM "So they will be able to see when we decide we need to kill them." Ioni "It's better when they see us coming. It's more fun." Mnemia "Well your weapon is currently broken though." Ioni "Huh?" GM "He missed, err she missed." Ioni "Don't know if you really want to bring that up with her or not." GM "Well it's broken." Ioni "I'm gonna miss that little guy. The first guy to get a miss on Mnemia in just years!" GM "Ressurect him so I can just kill him again?" Mnemia "You'll have to talk to your crazy girlfriend who is outside murderlating bodies." GM "Currently flipping out." Mnemia "If anyone takes more pleasure in murdering things than you, it's her." GM "That's why the relationship works." Mnemia "We could to business cards as well." Mnemia back to the calendar "They do christmas ornaments as well." Ioni "Hang it from the tree!" Mnemia "HOT DOLPHIN!" Ioni "There is something seriously wrong with you people." GM "She is happy. She just got to murderlate a bunch of people without anybody from Yu-Shan or the underworld giving her shit for it. She's allowed to wear the combatant of her last victim on her head like a hat." GM "So Bloodthirsty happy not cheerleader happy." Mnemia "Sure. Although I kind of equate the two as the same. The only real issue with her..." GM *Dice roll* "Good god." Mnemia "I'm a socializer, bitch!" Ioni "We're burning our mojo way too soon. Is there a pill for that?" Mnemia "Yes, it's blue. But you have to see the doctor after four hours. And if you buy them online, chances are its fake." Ioni "If overwhelming successes lasts for more than four hours..." GM "Please feel free to go to the gambling tables in Vegas." Ioni "If you experience infinite mastery, with overwhelming successes lasting more than 12 hours." Kadon "Consult a doctor, also you're welcome." GM "If so, it would be nice to get a smarty pants roll on this." Mnemia "It's the hidden ability of a socialite. If you don't have linguistics 5 and you can't speak everything, you're doing it wrong." Mnemia "I'm all over this tonight. Derpa derp derp derp." Kadon "You're better than your GM tonight." GM "That inspires a lot of confidence in me. The discussion you guys were having about the charms while both of you are fried out of your minds... There are now craft charms that replace Ride charms. You've added horses to them all." Mnemia "Robo horses, how did you guess." Kadon "I will begin learning this language." Kadon "Okay." GM "Can I learn the bawdy bits. I don't mean body as in human body." Ioni "Thank you Ioni." GM "Porn, naked, get the swear words under control first." Mnemia "Swear words are the best words to learn first. What if we come up against a search engine where we need to look for porn in this language. We need to learn those words!" Ioni "Start talking to the Eye of Autocthon with these words. Oh boy are we gonna get some good stuff." Mnemia "You also get the impression she is aware her sleeper agents have activate and at the very least were unable to kill Ioni." GM "Again, I will repeat my request. I want her head. I think I have cause now." Ioni "But she's like your BFF and stuff!" Mnemia "I know, but I just want her head so I can re-animate it every once in a while when I need a tea party. Besides, I have a wonderful recipe for head cheese." Ioni "....ew." Kadon "Do I get to play with that one?" GM on a botch from Mnemia "Go for it. Apparently one of my search rolls was not awesome. Which is what happens when you have three dice and roll them over and over again." Mnemia *Ioni rolls* "I got a botch too." Ioni "Oh for the love of god. OMG, something, come over here. That's a fucking nail, what are you smoking. The nail had to come from somewhere! Yeah, that box of nails on the shelf. Goddammit, just go interrogate someone or something. ARGH!" Kadon "So Ioni, you discover a box that has some kind of magical curse currently on it. Uh Kadon, you need to stop her from putting forks in the fucking microwave! Mnemia, you believe you have found some contraband that has been brough on board that might be uh.. a bomb or perhaps a well disguised beam claive or multi tool device. Uhh, Kadon and Ioni you can both identify it as a one dot useless vibrating artefact object." GM "Ioni didn't fucking recognize a sex toy?" Kadon "That was Mnemia's botch." Mnemia "I see. We got that, slightly less horrible I guess." Kadon "You also have a mortified intern, I'll figure out that one later." GM "All I'm saying..." Kadon "The one with the boyfriend... Gotta be Silken Sky." Mnemia "We're helping!" Mnemia "So, 4 1 2 3 2 3." Kadon rolling on Zuko's behalf. "Wow... You're a shitty Zuko." GM "Fuck me..." Kadon "You're the worst Zuko Ever!" GM "That was terrible!" Kadon "Well, Zuko is not in any fear of losing his job today." GM "So, for what it's worth and whenever he gets back. Zuko is terrible at searching. We know this because we let him try. But at least he is not as terrible as you two." Kadon "Did you all not get enough of spreadsheets when you were children?" GM when we move a list to google docs and start organizing it. "When all is said and done, Mnemia you are now in the possession of a new vibrator. The intern does not take the time to retrieve it from you." GM "I'm pretty sure Mnemia's not walking around with it. If her response is 'Oh my god, its a penis shaped bomb' She's not gonna pick it up and haul it over to Kadon like it's a bone. Kadon Kadon Kadon, what is it? What is it? she would have left it where it is, and Kadon would have come an looked at it and said no, it's not a bomb, and it would have stayed there." Mnemia "Is it an evil vibrator? I'm not sure how you make one of those. Anything is possible.... It Is Exalted." Kadon "Dammit, now I'm thinking of mechanics, where it starts to drain away intimacies the more you use it." GM Ioni goes link surfing which is followed by snorting laughter. "I'm sure that would have been the same look. What is that on the end of the ... the stimulator. That little white thing coming off the top of it." GM "You do know this is called a rabbit, right?" Ioni "I have heard them mentioned before by certain friends, yes." GM "Ask your former room mate." Ioni "No. I'm unaware she knows what a rabbit is, and I don't want to know if she knows what a rabbit is." GM "GM.... And Ioni back me up on this. She knows what a rabbit is." Kadon "I prefer to stay in denial of whatever she does in her private time." GM "The only thing I have ever heard over there is the night when a cat tried to maul her." GM "Are you sure it was a cat." Ioni "There is a super high setting." Mnemia "There is a difference between Oh my god, more. And Holy fuck holy fuck holy shit damn fuck." GM "Not if you're doing it right." Kadon Links "What the hell is... A.) I don't have an android phone." GM "Wh...the.....wha.... What am I looking at here. It's got screen shots... so to speak. And I guess that is fairly evil looking." Kadon "I'm guessing she hooks it up and you can control it with an android app." Ioni "Possibly. Possibly it just makes your phone vibrate." Kadon "Possibly. At least, 10,000-50,000 people know what it does." GM "I'm also fairly certain there are no actual she's involved in this project. I'm just speculating based on the internet." Kadon "Apparently there is a related basement waterproofing app." Kadon "I have caused people to fall down the rabbit hole of the internet." Ioni "I don't know if thats what we call it. But okay." GM "It's where the rabbit goes, isn't it?" Ioni "I stand corrected. And thank you for that visual. Didn't so much as fall down as get shoved along." GM followed by snickering. "Kira is bored and would like to play with the recording devices." GM "Sure. Don't get any evil on you." Kadon "Don't let it spew out and hit you. And if it's a slinky, don't touch it." Ioni "I'm not going to be able to see Paul Ryan ever again without seeing this picture." GM "Which picture? Oh that one." Kadon "Actually now that I'm looking at this picture closer, I'm thinking that the white thing is actually bad photo-shoping. I suspect this thing had a white background and that thing didn't get chopped away proper." GM on the link surfing . "No, that's the stimulator dude." Kadon "I'm aware of what that does, but that white part that comes off it, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to end there in a penis shaped. And doesn't have that weird. Cuz if you look at it, it's geometrically jagged." GM "Okay, as tempting as it is to keep this particular highly amusing line of discussion going. Let's move on to the game. I almost was... but no. So yeah, fixing the boat" Kadon "There, now you can read about a product." Ioni "I am AWARE of what that tab does." GM Mnemia puts in a picture on the google doc. "Oh Menmia, I would totally give you a high five now." Ioni "That is the visual fun of the night sir. And I may asphyxiate." Kadon "Oh.. back on the google doc? Sigh. Well done. I was gonna say the Amazon picture is not that funny." GM "Mental note: never open Amazon profile at work." Kadon after clicking on Ioni's links "I have contaminated your internets!" Ioni "Aww dammit. Dammit Ioni." GM "This is the same basic plot device that I used to get Ioni laid in Redness." Kadon "Consume the Earth in search of Hump-back whales?" Kadon "Hump the Earth in search of consuming whales?" Ioni "So we just punchify everybody. One at a time" Ioni "Are you an agent? Kthunk!" Kadon "I somehow suspect Zuko is suddenly on board with this." GM "I don't think he is cuz there is a will power quotient to this." Ioni "He will be out of willpower for ever more." Kadon "The last thing we need is for him bitching even more." Mnemia "Who says he was gonna spend the will power. He was just gonna smack some bitches." GM "The thing require him to spend will power for him to actively do that." Ioni "He'll get to smack a couple people before one of us goes 'what are you doing'? If its Kadon it's what are you doing, do it right. If it's Mnemia it's what are you doing, can I help." Mnemia "Just be glad I didn't get her to do exactly what it says in the book. Get her to sleep with one of you first." GM "You do know that's not difficult." Ioni "Someone who cares." Kadon "Once you get one of the character pregnant, then anyone you give them as free sex suddenly looks like a trap." GM "Well the only one who is a viable option for that that you don't cause a lot of social issues is Ioni. Ioni is known to randomly fuck people." Ioni "Yeah, but with his female character who was banging a female ghost who was lacking a body to begin with." GM "Having that character get intimate with one of the player characters would have been very intersting. I am upset that you did not do that." Mnemia "I'm mildly upset cuz then I could take Ioni down a very dark and twisted path." Ioni "Uhm wow." GM "I'm on board here, GM. Thank you for not doing that." Kadon "A third character banging Kadon, or Zuko's infidelity and what that does with Scarlet and her interactions with the Lunars, or the horrible threesome things that go along with Mnemia and ZIS. That would have been interesting." Mnemia "Or causing Ioni to become a sociopathic killer." Ioni "I decided to keep her the quiet one for a reason." GM "Yeah, the thing that Ioni just described is precisely the reason why any good that might have come out of doing that would not have been worth it. Just saying." Kadon "It's okay, I just fuck them until they die." Ioni "Sigh.. jesus." Kadon "WOW" GM "Ioni, perhaps you'd like to play a lunar. You could be a spider totem." Kadon "I don't like spiders, they're ugly." Ioni "Or a Mantis. Are you suggesting she eats her dates afterwards. You could go Mantis too. You get a martial arts style for that too." GM "Because as it is, eating them before hand is not quite the same." Kadon "If the definition for eating is different it is." GM "I think that's what he was going for. And you just kind of.." Ioni "Drove over it with a truck. Yeah I know." GM "It's like a poor possum on the road, just kind of.." Ioni *Whimper* Kadon "That was the sound of you running over my dog." "Now I'm extra sad." GM "It's okay, just look at the images on the to do list, it'll make you happy again." Ioni "I haven't looked at the to do lis.... SHEEZ WHAT THE FUCK" GM *Mnemia plays with the google document* There are ten million- million -million -million million million million million particles In the Universe- That we can observe- Your momma took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd. *Mnemia starts quoting Creature of Darkness* WHY am I sitting here like a piece of ebony meat-loaf? - Mnemia The nightmare wants our women. - Mnemia [Rachel flashes Eric] Eric: Mm. Now, those are my kind of dunes. - Mnemia "These writers are amazing." Mnemia "You're quoting this? From what? Creature of Darkness. Now I'm intrigued." GM "No, you're getting back to the game, and we're going through this check list!" Ioni "FOCUS!" Kadon "I have a bowl of queso and orange juice in front of me. Lets go." GM "Do you at least have a spoon for the Queso?" Ioni "No, Chips." GM "Because just eating the queso with a spoon would just be sad." Kadon "Silken Sky offers that since it was one of their agents who just tried to murder you, to let them know that happened, perhaps take precautions with the rest of their people." GM "Forgot I left that tab open. Just the look on Paul Ryans face." GM "You like that picture too much. You're analyzing pieces of the dildo. It's still open. It's probably your wall paper by now." Mnemia "He just likes how manly Paul Ryan looks." Ioni "Oh fuck that. The man is an over-sized keebler elf." GM "So really what he has in his hand is about 2 inches long?" Ioni "Potentially. I try not to judge." GM "If you're a dude, and you have seven very hot women who all want to play video games with you all day, what are you going to do? Say no?" GM "At some point, if the video game playing does not turn into sex, then it didn't turn out." Mnemia "More than a couple of times, Venus, on behalf of her and the rest of her sisters, has proposed marriage to the Unconquered Sun, to which he agreed to. It's just that every time..." GM "I think we just covered that he was looking for sex." Kadon "Not marriage." Ioni "Alright, never mind then. Fine. If you want to be crass about it." GM "Now if it was one of the multiplayers, where you pass the controller, 7 people aren't playing the game and during that time there is some fun, then that's fine." Mnemia "A divine orgy that turns out to play the game." Kadon "I have to believe that anyone there not directly related to Venus has to have tapped that. That's just how she rolls. And I have to believe that she has tapped one or two of her sisters." GM "So Doggy Style so they can both play at the same time while they're making out?" Mnemia "Seychelles knows enough to give us a reason, otherwise we'll be belligerent jerks and just come anyway." Mnemia "He's just, I will send more in a moment, just don't come to Nexus quite yet." GM "That's not good." Ioni "He's gotta hide his porn stash. Like what he used to do with the Squirrel Girls in that manse. Gotta clean up after himself." Mnemia "I don't know about the rest of you, but that is exactly the wrong message to send to keep us from going there." Mnemia "They have specifically requested that you stay out of Nexus for the time being." GM "Cuz we don't play well with others." Mnemia "That's good, at least they know us well." Ioni "That's a totally reasonable concern, on the other hand, fate of creation." Kadon "Yeah.." Kadon "By exploding collars?" Mnemia "Oh you acting up? Explode..." Ioni "Slave collars for everyone!" Mnemia "So you're done with your mom. It's a decision between us and a strip club." GM Ioni then translates. Hidden conversation as Zuko admits using a phone to call in for a skype isn't cool. "Well text me when you hit the elevator and I'll pour it for you." Ioni "Are you a fuckin' bar tender now?" Kadon "He's not just gonna suck it out of the bottle?" Mnemia "Unlike Mamasuchi who has had his hands in a large number of Celestials." Kadon "Hands or dick." Ioni "When you're a lunar, it doesn't matter." GM "Parts is parts." Kadon "So bitch be serious old." Kadon "So why is Mnemia naked." Zuko "Because GM didn't want dolphin porn, but he'd settle for Mnemia porn." Ioni "NOooo! Wait no!" GM "If that's considered settling, thats..a step up." Zuko "I think so too, but it's, y'know... GM." Ioni "NO! What's wrong with people!" GM "Okay, we got lots of stuff. Good job of sticking things next to boob squeezers." Zuko "I don't know what you're talking about, all I saw is boob squeezing." GM "You are of Low-breading." GM "At least I found it amusing, and I'm easily amused." GM "You do play with a slinky." Ioni "Well it does keep my hands busy." GM "Not just any slinky, his slinky." Kadon "The squirrels are also getting re-educated. They are no longer trustworthy around the building-shit-area." Zuko "Okay." GM "If I have to re-purpose them into love slaves, so be it." Zuko "You've been wanting to do that regardless." GM "I've been doing that regardless." Zuko "Are Scarlet and ZIS retarded?" Mnemia "Do we have any evidence that he cheated on Silken Sky?" Zuko "No, we have evidence he didn't!" Mnemia "Zuko will be.. fine... List every person you have ever put your penis in." Zuko "Uh you better be a little more general just in case he was a girl at any point." Kadon "Then list everyone who has ever touched your genitals." Zuko "Uhh.... he has touched his genitals. Silken Sky has touched his genitals... Oh fuck." GM "Kadon has... It's okay, he's a doctor. Father O'Malley." Zuko "So these Interns just get put through hell." Ioni "Scout Master Burton." Zuko "Stoppit..." GM "PE teacher, don't forget that.... Oh! Then his football coach." Ioni "Dammit Ioni." GM "At some point he just started asking for it." Kadon "Begging... Oh and then there was that one time in dance class, but that was a woman and he didn't like it as much." Ioni "That slutty Mrs. McAllister on his paper route." Zuko "I know! Oh, his English teacher when he had a failing grade." Ioni "Mnemia's not terribly interested." Mnemia "I have this I don't want to meet anymore demons policy." Kadon "Why would there be spikes coming out of the wall?" Zuko "You know what? I don't know. It's Exalted." Ioni "Also give two of the sexual performers tickets for ZIS cuz I know she'll be dropping by." Ioni "Potentially. Limber up now!" GM "Here's your sticker saying 'I belong to ZIS for an hour.'" Ioni "Start eating lots of food with Iron, you're going to start losing lots of blood. Mnemia, you're girlfriend is a whore." Zuko "Yes she is." Mnemia "She's just in to whores. And on to them, and around them." Kadon "In between them. pretty much every preposition." Zuko "Fuckin' learn about things I'm not supposed to learn about." Kadon "Which things?" Zuko "All of the goddamn demiurge shit." Kadon "Oh, I was like, there's a whole lot of shit we're not supposed to learn about, you might need to be more specific. I mean the sheer volume of shit we know that man was not meant to know..." Zuko "Oh no no no, I'm talking about stuff that's actually hard. ...............Yes, I am in fact talking about my dick." Kadon "About time someone was." Zuko "Too much dolphin porn." Ioni "Why does it always come back to that." GM "Your response is an unto itself." Kadon "It's a response you should all have." GM "What, comes?" Zuko "EW!" Ioni "GM do I have ANY reason to think this is physically possible?" Zuko "Intelligence and occult?" GM "2 dice." Zuko, while everyone else laughs. "Raise your hand if you didn't see that one coming." Kadon "And through what manner are they bound.." Zuko "Maaaaaaaaaaagic." Kadon "How did Virumipra find you." Zuko "Maaaaaaaaaagic." Kadon "Hey Kadon," Zuko "Uh huh." Kadon "I got a question for you." Zuko "Uh huh" Kadon "You know lots of shit." Zuko "Uh huh............... Go for brain box." Kadon "It's not going over well with Nexus, cuz Nexus does not have slaves and does not sell slaves. So either they are all going to have to be let go as free men, or someone is going to have to liquidate...." GM "the assets." Ioni "They can be of use to Nexus in creating a larger Shadowlands with which they can move in and out of the city. So they are debating what is likely a massacre in the area doing what you guys previously stopped. That is their concern. A) Creating a shadowlands in Nexus, won't that create problems later, like when time restarts. There is also the concern that someone who wished us harm is trying to do the same thing, do we really want to do them the favor and help them out with that. Even though there are all these concerns, trade is king. Even if all these lawsuits may happen." GM "But my question about that is if they liquidate those assets, who then gets reimbursement for those assets and is it pro-rated to the point where you're actually making money off of the potential wage earning capability." Ioni "Mnemia doesn't tell Ioni this." Mnemia "BATMAN!" Zuko "That Solar has a pug now. 2 dot familiar, and all it does is scream Batman!" Mnemia "Can we use Plan B on Yuki?" Zuko "That would render all the work we did to get her preggers kinda pointless." Kadon "Better safe than sorry. Give her like a triple dose." Zuko "Plan B Excellency.... Infinite Mastery of Plan B..." Kadon "Immaculate Coat Hangar." Zuko "I'm in another game and I have to make a character yet." GM "You have to make a character for hide the pickle?" Zuko "No." GM

1 comment:

killervp said...

Ok, 2 things-
1- I want the calendar
2- The GM is more quotable when sick, lol...